No More I Love You's
by nikkisixirresistiblebitch
Summary: AU Bonnie gets into an accident, suffers post-traumatic amnesia, and forgets the past two years of her life.
1. Prologue

Title: **No More "I Love You's"**

**Synopsis:** (AU) Bonnie gets into an accident, suffers post-traumatic amnesia, and forgets the past two years of her life.

Rated: **PG-13 – Hard R (depending on the chapter)**

Pairings: mainly **Bonnie/Damon**, Elena/Stefan.

* * *

_The way you fell from grace...It was spectacular to watch._

**Prologue**

It seemed like tonight of all nights, thinking about one's absentee father was not such a good idea.

Bonnie never thought that at this moment in her life, she would want to recall all of the seemingly ridiculous sayings of her father. It is not that her father's philosophy is particularly vapid, but Bonnie would like to believe that she had common sense.

Against her better judgment she was driving. She was driving while she was angry and she could have sworn that her father had made some comment about doing such a thing. "Never drive while angry. Never drive while the weather was bad."

Bonnie was doing both and somewhere an angel was crying.

Normally, under the usual circumstances, Bonnie would not be driving so quickly, so erratically. But Elena was in danger.

Someone somewhere was always in danger and it always seemed to fall on her shoulders to do something about it. Sure, Caroline was a big help. The Salvatore brothers were willing to die many times over to save Elena, but none of them could do what Bonnie could do. However feeble her powers were at the moment, Bonnie would come through with something helpful.

This was why against her better judgment she was driving angry: angry at Elena for being trouble-prone; angry at herself for not being strong enough all the time; angry at the Salvatores for coming to town and taking away her childlike innocence; angry at the whole damn town, really.

The rain, which was only a drizzle when Bonnie entered her car, picked up and dropped liked wet, heavy sheets along her car.

Bonnie could not see very well. The windshield wipers weren't quick enough to catch all of that water.

Suddenly, Bonnie saw something very quick and very small scurry across the road. If Bonnie could help it, she did not want to hit the living creature.

Bonnie swerved, driving off the road.

The movement was too violent for her little car, and the weather-proofed tires did not live up to its expensiveness.

As Bonnie hurled into an old oak tree her single most pervasive thought was, "This cannot be happening."

Bonnie froze; she couldn't react, she couldn't stop the collision using her bare hands and she couldn't stop the collision using her magic.

Damon Salvatore always said she was incompetent.


	2. Chapter 1

_Sleeping Beauty is a fetish story._

**Chapter One**

Elena stares at the nurses rushing past her prone form wearing their white, white uniforms.

Three weeks.

Three weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, and 47 minutes.

Bonnie still hasn't woken up.

There was nothing left to do but stare at the nurses.

As bad as it sounds Elena can't remember ever seeing Bonnie's father as much as she sees him now. Every morning, Bonnie's father is at the hospital from 9:00 am to 11:00pm, and then back again from 6:00pm to 9:00pm. If his not in Bonnie's room, he walking around the hospital.

Elena has done this herself, walked around the corridors. She knows where every room is, she's counted the tiles on the ceiling, the squeaky squares on the floor.

She recognizes the sound the doctors and the nurse's shoes make, the soft slide that signals that it's time to check Bonnie's vitals. To change the sheets. To wash her up. To tell everyone around Bonnie that there is no change.

The doctor gives these sad hopeful smiles, "There's so much brain activity... She's doing remarkably well..."

Why won't she wake up?

Elena doesn't really eat. She doesn't really sleep. She wants to be right here, in this same chair staring at Bonnie's face, willing her to open her eyes.

Jeremy will come in to relieve Elena of her self-imposed duty.

"She can't be alone," Elena once told a worried Stefan. "I can't leave her alone."

Elena has wondered, more than once, if everyone she loved was going to die trying to help Elena in her varied times of need. Was there always going to be a price for coming to Elena's rescue?

Elena thinks she must be cursed.

Elena, most times, does the useless thing like cry. Elena, more often than not, does the helpless thing like think of her mother. Think of her father. Think that if only she gotten herself home from the party that night. Stefan tells her that this is not the same thing.

Yes it is. It's exactly the same thing. Bonnie was hurt trying to help Elena. Stefan shakes his head rubs at her shoulders, offers Coke or coffee or food. Elena drinks whatever, eats whatever and never tastes a thing.

Things are the same. Every day.

9:00 am – Mr. Bennett holds his daughters hand so tight because he wants her to feel it. Feel him. He here. Finally he's here.

11:00am – Elena brushes Bonnie's hair and wonders if she'll ever hear Bonnie's voice again. Elena's mind can't stop going to that dark place.

12:00pm – Caroline talks to Bonnie. Talks about her day like nothing ever happened. "She can hear it," Caroline insists.

1:00pm – Jeremy sits in the chair next to Bonnie's bed with watery eyes. He thinks he's cursed too.

3:00pm – Stefan reads to her. "She can hear it," he insists. It's always something haughty. _ Madame Bovary, Anna Karenina,_ or something of the like. There's a theme that no one cares to figure out.

6:00pm – Matt never visits long. He doesn't know what to say to empty air. He doesn't know how to talk to someone who can't talk to him back.

8:00pm – Jenna and Alaric stop by, food in hand for Mr. Bennett. He doesn't eat well either. He doesn't sleep well.

It's the same thing every day.

Damon avoids the hospital like it's the plague. He went once. Elena asked him to. She asked him to save Bonnie. He did it for Elena.

Bonnie's spleen isn't ruptured anymore. Her pelvis isn't broken. Her brain isn't swollen. Damon did his part.

The doctors think it's a miracle. They have yet to discover the all natural power of Vamp blood.

Damon thinks Bonnie stays in a coma just to spite him. Just so he can stare at Elena's disappointed face.

* * *

"Please." One word. On the edge of tears. On the edge of his nerves.

Damon says no just to prove that Elena does not have him wrapped around her finger. He says no because he is not a good person, he never was a good person so why should he pretend. He says no because Stefan says yes way too often.

"Why would I want to sit and stare at some coma patient all day?"

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Elena's eyes make him want to take it back. There's sadness, and more than a little anger like she would hurt Damon if she could for saying something like that.

"I have a test that I have to take. I've already missed so much time. Just sit with her. Please. Do this for me." Elena knows that she has no right to ask this. Or, at the very least, not phrase it in the way she has.

Damon says yes because Elena looks like she will kill him if he doesn't.

The usual suspects are there. Bonne's father. Jeremy, Caroline, Stefan. He doesn't understand why one of them can't just go in and sit with her like they've been doing all of this time.

But then Damon gets a closer look at their faces. At the tiredness. At the burning helplessness. They are around if Bonnie needs them but that can't sit by her bed one more minute without some kind of a break.

They are all falling apart. One little witch has caused them to fall apart.

No one says anything when they see him. Jeremy doesn't even sneer. Caroline looks little affronted. Stefan looks like he expected this at some point. As if he's thinking that his big brother can't be a douche this time. Not in this situation.

Damon walks into the private room that Bonnie occupies, and he's half expecting her to jump out of the bed. Tell them it's all a joke. Tell them it's been April Fools for the past month. Bonnie doesn't do any of this, though.

It's the disappointment that's been choking everyone.

Damon stands over her bed. He looks at the stillness in her body. The soft skin under her eyes, the fluttering of eyelids that never open.

Damon is tempted to give her a dream. Scare her out of her coma. Damon has the sneaking suspicion that it wouldn't work.

Damon is suddenly at a loss. What to do? Standing vigil over an unconscious girl is not his idea of a good time.

Damon finally decides to take a seat near her bed. He'll count the tiles in the ceiling, the squares on the floor. He'll listen to the beep of the monitor. He'll rest.

* * *

Damon comes to the hospital again. It's not because Elena told him to do so. He wonders if this is the first time in the longest that he's done something that had absolutely nothing to do with his feelings for Elena.

He won't do anything ridiculous like read or talk to Bonnie as if she could hear him. He won't cry all over her either.

He'll just sit and watch. He'll wonder what it feels like to be so immobile for such long period of time. He can't imagine it. He's always moved around. For close to two centuries, he's always found some other place he had to be. If only for his sanity. If only not to care about anything.

Bonnie's expendable. Damon's always known that. Damon thinks if Stefan were to be honest with himself, Stefan has known it to. She did not live up the Bennett name.

It's not anyone's fault.

Mr. Bennett should pull the plug already.

Unexpectedly, Stefan burst in, like he's the hero. Like he will make it alright for everyone. The look Stefan gives, it's as if he heard Damon's thoughts. Like Stefan came in to stop Damon from doing the deed.

Pull the plug.

Damon doesn't defend himself. Let Stefan think as bad as he wants about him.

"What are you doing here?" It should come out as a question but Stefan does not have patience today.

"The jello here sucks." Damon comments. This is Damon's new tactic. Annoy Stefan long enough and he'll get tired eventually. Damon has practice in wearing people down.

"You should go." Stefan doesn't make sugarcoat. He'll say what he feels now. His mission to be honest. Damon is amused.

"I'm keeping the old girl company. Why don't you go chase a rabbit or something. We wouldn't want you vamping out on all of these innocent people because you didn't have your balanced breakfast today."

"Why is everything a game to you?" It's not an accusation. Stefan really wants to know.

"Games are fun." Just for good measure, Damon runs his hand lightly over Bonnie's unmoving leg buried under blue blanket and hospital sheets.

Stefan doesn't say what's already common knowledge: Damon's sick and twisted.

"I'll be back," Stefan says, his hand to the knob, back already hitting the door pushing it outward.

"I'll be back." Damon mocks, already disinterested with the whole exchange.

Damon is restless.

Damon touches the motionless body to entertain himself. He's not much for somnophilia but he can see the appeal. The stillness, the constant beeping of the monitors. He can do anything at this moment to Bonnie and she wouldn't be able do a damned thing about. Yes, Damon could see the appeal.

"Sleeping beauty." Damon says out loud to no one in particular.

Stefan comes back as promised, Elena in tow. Stefan looks stern but Elena is elated. She thinks Damon's finally decided to be a good boy.

Damon thinks that he should inform little miss Gilbert of the thoughts he was having not too long ago.

"Maybe you should leave." Stefan picks up where he left off, a little softer now for Elena's sake.

"Yeah. I'm out of here." Damon stands up, his slender weight balanced perfectly as if vampires don't get cricks in their neck and pains in back from bad chairs.

Too busy in their own world.

No one sees Bonnie's fingers twitch.


	3. Chapter 2

_While you were gone, time passed like you wouldn't believe_

**Chapter Two**

Light.

Light shoving its way behind her eyelids like she's facing the sun head-on. The sheets are too cool against her skin, too stiff and instantly Bonnie knows that she is not at home in her own bed.

_Where am I_? If only she could open her eyes. It's hard. Everything feels heavy.

Her body is not her own. It feels alien.

Bonnie wishes she could make her body work. She tries to make her fingers move. They do, but the movement is awkward with disuse.

Success. Little success.

She tries to open her eyes again.

She sees tiles on the ceiling.

Damon was not paying close attention as he's wont to do. He misses the movement. He misses Bonnie rapt blinking. He wasn't staring at her face.

"Where am I?" Bonnie croaks, her throat dry.

The question startles Damon like no other action can. He rises so quickly from his chair that it topples over.

Stefan appears in the doorway, no doubt hearing the commotion. One look at the confused woman on the bed sends Stefan back the way he came, shouting for a doctor.

Faces rush into the room. Faces she knows. Faces that she can put names to, unlike the dark haired man who was sitting near her bed, or the brown haired man who was just in her doorway.

"Oh my God! Bonnie..." Elena doesn't finish her statement. Her throat is too clogged with tears. Her hand is cool and clammy in Bonnie's own.

Mr. Bennett brushes the hair out of Bonnie's face, lightly presses a kiss to her forehead. He's not crying, not now, but he looks like he has been. They all look like they have been.

Bonnie tries to rise her upper body but her father insists she stay right were she lies.

A doctor comes in soon after. A flashlight is shone in Bonnie's eyes. She's lightly poked and prodded in the most clinical way.

Bonnie can't help looking at the dark haired man in the corner of her room. Shouldn't she know who he is too? Shouldn't she be able to recall his name?

"I would like it if I could speak with Bonnie and her father privately," The middle-aged, graying doctor says.

"I'm staying." Elena asserts, as if there will be no argument on the matter.

"Me too." Jeremy fiercely declares.

Caroline is silent, but she makes it clear she's not moving one bit.

Stefan joins his brother in the corner. Damon won't look at his brother. He just stares at Bonnie.

The doctor looks to Mr. Bennett for some judgment, some momentum to get these people who all but camped out outside of this room for days and days to leave.

"They can stay," Mr. Bennett says, resolutely.

"Okay," The doctor responds with a nod of his head. He turns to the patient in question.

"I'm going to ask you a few question, and I want you to answer them as sure at you can. What is your name?"

Bonnie doesn't think. Nothing second nature requires thinking, "My name is Bonnie Bennett."

"Okay. Who's the President of the United States?"

"Barack Obama." Bonnie wishes the questions were harder, something like who is the president of Nicaragua.

"What day is it, Bonnie?"

Bonnie arches an eyebrow, like that's the most ridiculous question she ever heard. "It's April 23."

"Did you say April?" The doctor responds, frowning a little.

"Yes," Bonnie responds confidently.

"Bonnie, what year is it?"

Bonnie doesn't think too long. She knows exactly, "It's 2009."

The doctor leans back. He makes note of something on paper, and motions for Mr. Bennett to follow him outside.

Her father squeezes her hand and there is a moment of sheer panic within Bonnie. Something is wrong.

The look on her friends faces tell her that something is really, really, wrong.

Bonnie should focus. She should focus but she wants to know who those guys in the corner are. She wants to know why they look at her so strangely.

"Bonnie, do you know who I am?" Elena asks like she can't resist, like she can't keep the words from tumbling out of her mouth.

"You're Elena Gilbert. My best friend."

Something like relief and hope flashes on Elena's face.

Caroline steps closer to the bed. "And who am I?"

"Caroline Forbes. My other mejor amigo." It's an inside joke. From that semester when they all took Spanish class together. Mejor amigo para siempre - Best friends forever.

"Who am I?" Jeremy asks from the foot of her bed.

"You're Jeremy Gilbert. Elena's little brother."

Jeremy starts like he wants to say more. He's more than Elena's little brother.

Stefan can't seem to wait his turn any longer. "Do you know who I am?"

Bonnie opens her mouth to tell him that, yes, she knows who he is. But there's a blank. A large gap.

"I..," Bonnie begins but doesn't finish.

"Way to go, little brother. I always knew you would be forgettable to someone," Damon quips.

Mr. Bennett and the doctor re-enter the room. Bonnie's father approaches the bed slowly. The doctor stands within Bonnie's eyesight.

"Bonnie, you were in a car accident, three and a half weeks ago. You had extensive internal damage: ruptured spleen, broken pelvis, some brain swelling. Miraculously, you have healed from you injuries in such a short time. You are a very strong young woman, Ms. Bennett." The doctor smiles at her them, seemingly pleased with Bonnie's rapid return to health.

"What concerns us now," the doctor continued, "is that you seem to be experiencing memory loss. You stated that the year was 2009. It is currently the year 2011. And it's February. I suspect that because of your injuries there is some damage to the temporal lobe of the brain. I would like to run some tests, if that is alright with you."

"I guess it's alright. Dad?" Bonnie suddenly implored. She needs him to make this decision for her because right now she can't think. She can't think like she used to and that scares her to no end.

"Do what you have to do," Mr. Bennett responds with some finality.

"Okay. I'll order an MRI, and someone will be along shortly to take you to Radiology."

Everyone around her blinked slowly as the doctor left. They seemed happy.

They seemed happy but cautious.

It's the big wait for the other shoe to drop.

* * *

What Bonnie has discovered:

Her Grandmother died of heart failure.

Caroline was Ms. Mystic Falls.

Jeremy has gotten taller and he's not stifled by drugs and/or depression. He can smile.

Tyler has disappeared.

Elena is not with Matt.

Elena is in love with Stefan Salvatore.

Stefan Salvatore has a brother named Damon Salvatore.

Bonnie feels like she can do things that others can't do.

What Bonnie knows:

Bonnie used to like French fries with ketchup. Now she likes French fries with ketchup and a hint of mustard.

Bonnie is sick of flashcards that tell her things that she already knows.

Bonnie trusts Stefan Salvatore but it feels like death whenever he's near her.

Damon Salvatore is unbelievably sad when no one is looking.

* * *

Retrograde amnesia is like losing your car keys over and over again.

"I miss the hospital. Sometimes." Bonnie declares out of the blue.

Elena stops her actions, leaving clothes strewn all over Bonnie's bed room. "Don't say things like that."

Spring cleaning at its best.

Bonnie thought that if she could clean up her room, if she could look at all of her things, she'd remember.

But she doesn't.

She's tired of everyone filling in the blanks for her.

Everyone's so worried about her. Her father, her friends, even Jeremy. Jeremy, with his searching brown eyes, keeps looking at her as if she should remember something important where he's concerned.

"I know you are tired Bonnie but you can't give up."

"I just feel like I should know things that I don't know. I look at your boyfriend and I feel like I should know these important things about him. Worse, I look at Caroline and I feel the same way. Caroline is so different now and I don't know what to make of it."

"Different how?" Elena knows the difference but if Bonnie can remember for herself then that's a step forward.

Or a set back.

"It's not a bad kind of different. She just seems confident now, less self -absorbed. Something happened to make Caro grow up and it kills me that I can't remember what it is."

* * *

"We have to tell her." Elena can remember the first time she tried to explain all of the crazy things that was happening with her and Stefan. Elena can recall how she had to come clean after the Emily Bennett debacle. Maybe this time she could do it the right way.

Without bloodshed. Without the possession of an ancestor.

"Bad idea." Damon says it like everyone is going to listen to him and follow his orders. He knows there is not a chance in hell where Elena and Stefan are concerned.

Stefan, Elena, and Damon formed a little commune in the living room of the Salvatore residence. Discussing the Bennett witch has become their favorite pastime it seems.

"She is going to find out soon enough anyway, Damon. We might as well make it easier for her." Stefan had this annoying habit of wanting to fix things. Damon sometimes hated him for it.

"And how do you suppose we tell her about? We start talking about vampires, witches and werewolves and I guarantee you she going to be begging her daddy to send her far, far away from us lunatics."

"We have a chance to make things right for Bonnie." Elena was determined to re-make history where Bonnie's concerned.

"Why should she get a do-over? I don't get a do-over. Stefan doesn't get one. Or you, for that matter. I'm still a vampire who wasted my time on psychotic bitch, Stefan's still a sad excuse for a supernatural entity, and you're still going to die when all of this is over. Do what the hell you want. I'm out of here."

Damon exists the same way he entered the room: with anger wrapped around him like a blanket.

"Do you think he's right." What's important to Elena right now is that Stefan is with her on this.

"I think that we should help Bonnie. We should tell her the truth."

Elena smiles a grateful smile and wraps her arms around Stefan's neck, their bodies pressing quick and close together.

What ever happens, they have each other.

* * *

Caroline talks so fast and stuffs food her mouth just between breaths.

Bonnie is in awe.

The Mystic Grill is packed with the young and the not so young. Everyone eats and drinks and prays for normalcy.

"Do you remember anything, yet?" Caroline asks without censor.

Bonnie loves this. She loves that Caroline doesn't tip-toe around the obvious.

"Nope. Not a damned thing," Bonnie smiles, surprising herself even.

There is still this excruciating ache in her chest for not remembering the last moments of her Grandmother's life, but Bonnie has this strange feeling that remembering would only make it hurt worse.

"So when are you going to tell me the dark secret your hiding?"

Bonnie's unexpected question causes soda to squirt out of Caroline's mouth. It's funny and disgusting.

"I'm not hiding anything," Caroline says not too convincingly.

"Are you sure?" Bonnie is just jesting at this point. She is sure Caroline wouldn't hide anything from her.

"I'm not supposed to tell you," Caroline allows.

Bonnie is somewhat taken aback. "What can't you tell me?"

"Damon would kill me."

Bonnie spears a look around the Grill, pretending to be conspicuous, "Damon's not here. Spill it."

* * *

Damon misses his reporter "girlfriend." She was sexy and bendable and knew all of his secrets. Sure he had to compel her but it was freeing dating someone who didn't run screaming from the room whenever he described what his day had been like.

Damon's awareness spikes the moment Bonnie saddles up next to him at the bar. He doesn't spare her a glance, though. He sips his drink and wonders when it was they stared watering down the product.

He can't even get a decent drink anymore.

"For someone who is a vampire, you sure seem very human."

Damon doesn't start at her words. He's practiced this. He's practiced not having any type of reaction at all to a Bennett witch.

Damon skips the niceties, "Elena told you."

"Nope."

"Stefan?"

"Guess again."

"Caroline," Damon finally settles on, because even as a vampire she can't keep her mouth shut.

"Yep."

Damon decides to throw caution to the wind and chances a look at Bonnie.

She looks perfectly calm. And perfectly amused.

"You don't believe her," Its the only thing Damon to reason. Bonnie thinks it's a big joke, or something.

"No, no. I believe it. She showed me. You know that face where the eyes go all dark and bloodthirsty."

Damon blinks slowly, and blurts out, "What wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you...Shouldn't you be judging the whole damned town by now. Shouldn't you be threatening to kill me and every vampire within walking distance."

"Why would I do that?"

Damon stops thinking because this is too much. It's too much to compute.

"Don't you hate me?" Damon settles on after a few minutes.

"Why would I hate you?

That's as loaded of a question as Damon ever heard.

* * *

What Bonnie has discovered:

Caroline is a vampire.

Stefan is a vampire.

Damon is a vampire.

Elena is the doppelganger of a chick named Katherine.

Katherine is also a vampire.

What Bonnie Knows:

Everyone is insane.

Jeremy has a crush on Bonnie a mile wide.

Klaus is going to kill them all.

Bonnie can definitely do things that others can't do.

Bonnie can drink Damon under the table. Or at least attempt to.

* * *

"Have you killed people before?" Bonnie asks the question like she really wants to know the answer.

Damon knows better.

Why rock the boat when it works so well.

"Next question." Damon demands.

Bonnie frowns. Damon knows she's going to go on a tirade about honesty and not hiding things and why was everyone treating her like a child. Damon seriously thought that Bonnie's memory loss would make her not so quick to judge.

But it's worst now. Damon is not only expected to act like the proper human that he's not anymore, he's also expected to act like the proper vampire.

Someone died and made Bonnie Bennett boss of them all.

"You aren't going to answer me, are you?"

"Nope. Next question."

"Okay. How long have you been in love with Elena?"

At that precise moment, Damon wanted to kick her out of his house. He doesn't know why he invited her over in the first place. He doesn't know why he's been inviting her over night after night.

It just so he can hear her complain. It's so he can hear her judge.

It just so he doesn't have to be alone.

"What was the question again?"

"How. Long. Have. You Been. In. Love. With. Elena?" Bonnie says it slow and deliberate and the best thing about the question for Damon is that he can watch her mouth move around the words.

"I'm not in love with Elena."

"Bullshit. It's written all over your face. Have you told her yet?"

"Sort of." Damon answers suddenly unsure of himself.

"And what did she say?"

"I didn't give her a chance to respond." He'd rather compel the second love of his life then hear rejection.

"Then how do you know she doesn't feel the same way?"

Damon scoffs and shrugs in one uniform fashion, "She's in love with my brother." It's the first absolute truth in the past 5 minutes.

"You have a point there. I've never seen her that way. Not even with Matt."

Damon changes tactic. "What about you and Gilbert Jr.?"

"That my friend, is a no go."

Damon likes that she called him her friend. He can count the number of friends he has on one hand. two fingers actually. Stefan doesn't count. He's his brother and that is a whole different lovely dysfunction in itself.

"Why is it a no go?"

"He wants someone that he can be devoted to. I'm not that person right now. He wants someone to love. I can't be that person. Whatever happened before my accident, I'm not the same."

"What did happen with you and Indiana Jones?"

Bonnie laughs at the nickname, "Not much, from what I'm told. Jeremy did inform me that we kissed. It was magical but I don't remember it."

Damon considered this. It was obvious that Jeremy wanted to recapture what they had before Bonnie's accident. This bothered Damon, although he couldn't say why. "So, What? You're not attracted to him anymore?"

"It's not that. It's just I don't feel connected to Jeremy like I must have before my accident. My doctor says its normal to go through personality changes. I may not be the same person I was planning to be last year, or even the year before that."

There is a brief moment of silence. Then Bonnie asks out of the blue, "Have you ever done anything bad to me?"

Damon smirks, his mouth very close to forming a full grin. "Describe bad."

"Anything that I'd hate you for, or that I'd kill you for."

"No."

It was a satisfying lie.

"Damon, whenever I'm near you, a part of me tells me to run in the opposite direction. Why is that?"

* * *

"You lied to her." Stefan says it like he can't believe it's possible.

Somehow Damon knew that telling his brother would be a mistake. He only meant to tell him that he would be helping Bonnie get a reign over her re-found powers. For some irritating reason he felt like over-sharing.

"It better this way. It won't feel like pulling teeth when ever we ask her to do something for us. We won't have to use Elena as the magic password to get the witch to help us."

"Is that it?"

Damon frowned at the question. "Say what you mean."

"Do you have feelings for her? I mean, you've been spending so much time with her lately and you don't act as if it's a big chore." A part of Stefan would be relieved if Damon cared about Bonnie. Another part, a larger part, would dread it.

Damon scoffs, "Bonnie's in high school."

"So is Caroline. So is Elena for that matter. Age has never stopped you before."

"This conversation is boring." Damon moves to exit the living room.

"Damon, wait."

Damon stops, he turns slower than a vampire should to face his brother."

"This can backfire on all of us."

Damon squints, "Are you scarred Stefan? Scared of a little Bennett witch."


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: I can't describe to everyone how much it means to me that one would take the time out to read my story, write a review, so make me or my stories one of your favorites. Thank you.**

* * *

_Potential boyfriends make the best target practice._

**Chapter 3**

Bonnie woke up one day and decided, the hell with it! I don't have to remember.

And just like that, Bonnie felt free. No more obsessing about the past and what might have happened. No more waiting for the memories that will never come.

She remembers the important things: her father, her friends, how much she loved her grandmother.

But life right now wasn't completely unbearable.

Bonnie repeated this mantra as she practice turning on and off the lights in her house with her mind.

She repeated the mantra as she brushed her teeth.

She repeated the mantra every time she saw Jeremy's sad eyes. She needed something to guard against that look on his face.

* * *

"Was I a cool witch like Sabrina or Piper from_ Charmed_, or did I suck royally?"

"You were awesome Bon." Elena responded as she bent over, contorting her body into a dolphin pose.

Bonnie raised an eyebrow in skepticism. It probably was a lie but she let it go.

Bonnie knew that yoga was suppose to be about relaxing and finding the calm within but she was sweaty and barely dressed and it all didn't seem very calming.

The yoga instructor walks by them, stern looking, probably waiting for the class to finish up so she could smoke a cigarette in the parking lot, "Remember to breathe. Release all of the tension in your body."

"So do you ever use any of these poses for fun?" Bonnie whispers in a conspiratory manner to Elena.

Elena frowns, thinking hard about the question. "I really don't see how."

Bonnie stands up for her position, and raises her hand to get the instructors attention.

"Yes?" The instructor asks noticing the raised hand.

"Yeah... hi. I was wondering if you could show me some poses that, you know, would be good to try during sex."

There's laughter in the class then. Bonnie's not sure if it's because of what she said or if it's because Elena suddenly lost her balance and fell face first.

* * *

"That didn't even hurt. Try again." Damon was doing a startling good impression of a drill sergeant much to Bonnie annoyance.

"That's funny because when you grabbed your head and made those little pained faces, I was sure I was doing something right."

"Your little aneurisms aren't going to stop someone like Klaus." Damon comments, matter-of-factly.

"Of course not! I'm not a complete idiot. This is just for the benefit lowly second string vampires such as yourself," Bonnie delivers with a smile.

Damon returns the smile, tightly, with lots of teeth, "I could snap you like a twig."

"Promises, promises."

Damon thinks, fleetingly, that the only woman whose as cocky as Bonnie is Katherine.

"You're doing that thing again," Bonnie comments.

"What thing?"

"The thing where you compare me to other people."

Damon's eyes widen, "What are you? A mind reader, now?

Bonnie keeps it cute and coy, "Wouldn't you like to know."

* * *

Jeremy asks her if there is any chance. Any chance at all that they could be something to each other, and Bonnie does not feel like it is her right to tell him no.

So she goes out with him. He's funny and hot and Elena doesn't mind. He's a gentleman – he opens the doors for her, pulls out her seat, and maybe makes her feel like a woman.

He doesn't kiss her. He wants to. She knows he wants to but he doesn't. He's a gentleman.

She tells Caroline about her date. Caroline squeals a little, flushes a little, maybe makes Bonnie feel like a person again.

The next day, Bonnie talks to Jeremy. As much fun as they had together last night, it didn't seem fair to string him along.

"No rush," he responds. "When can just hang out together."

"I don't want to hurt you." Bonnie says sincerely.

Jeremy doesn't tell her it's too late for that.

* * *

The fire starts from Damon's left pant leg and races up his hip to the middle of his body and Bonnie thinks that Damon is punishing himself for years of bad deeds.

Bonnie stops the magic immediately because she couldn't stand to see Damon in pain.

"Why'd you stop?" Damon asks. He's grateful, of course but he's no wimp. He could take whatever she dished out.

"It looked painful."

"Of course it's painful. That's the whole point."

"Do you like me hurting you?"

Damon blinks at the question, "What?"

"Do you like it when I hurt you?"

"Stop thinking so hard."

"I just can't figure out how you could volunteer to be my personal crash test dummy," Bonnie asks, not understanding Damon's motivation.

"One: I'm stronger than any other choice you have. Stefan would probably keel over and die if you set him on fire. Two: You have to have real life practice. You have to know how your powers work, and I have to know if you can handle yourself in a fight."

"Can we at least take breaks?"

"Sure. Sure, if you need to rejuvenate."

"It's not for my benefit. I was going easy on you but now that I know you can take it like a big boy, there's no need to hold back."

Before Damon could respond, his whole body is aflame. Bonnie barely blinks at his screams.

* * *

Mystic Grill.

Also known as destination escape.

"...No, I'm completely serious. He has to be the worst teacher ever."

Bonnie laughs wildly as Jeremy finishes his account of a recent encounter with a teacher.

Jeremy leans into her as she laughs; he presses the side of his body against the front of her body, her breast pressed against his arm.

He thinks that it's almost like it was before. Almost.

If he could just kiss her and show her what they had before.

A glass with what looks like bourbon slams against the table where Jeremy and Bonnie are setting.

"Mind if I join you?" Damon asks with false politeness. He's going to sit down at their table even if they don't want him to.

"No, not at all," Bonnie responds a smile spreading across her face.

Damon stops and stares because he keeps forgetting that Bonnie doesn't hate him. He keeps forgetting that they are friends.

"Actually, we were in the middle of something."

Damon turns his attention from Bonnie and sets his sights on Jeremy. He takes in Jeremy's tightening jaw, the threatening posture and tries very hard not to laugh in his face.

"No, it's fine. I don't mind," Bonnie insists.

And just like that, Jeremy smoothes out his face, a silent agreement to be kinder to Damon.

Damon notes that Stefan does that too sometimes, whenever he's around Elena. For years it seems, Damon has been getting by on the kindness of women, especially when a man is too whipped to go against his woman wishes.

But Bonnie doesn't belong to Jeremy and the quicker Jeremy realizes that, the better.

"Has Damon ever told you that he dated Caroline," Jeremy asks Bonnie, feigning innocence.

Bonnie blinks slowly, a little taken aback. It couldn't have been that serious, Caroline would have told her. Damon would have told her, for that matter.

"No, um, this is the first I'm hearing about this," Bonnie responds looking between the two men.

"Oh yeah, it was pretty serious for a while. It ended pretty badly, though." Jeremy was wondering just how far he could get away with this. Judging by Damon's murderous expression, he was getting pretty far.

"Were you in love with her?," Bonnie asks Damon as nonchalantly as she could.

"No," Damon responds truthfully. "We were more like fuck buddies," Damon adds with a smirk.

"Yeah, he was just using her to get to my sister. Isn't that right Damon?"

Bonnie's face tightens, mouth turning downward with uneasiness.

Damon remains silent, glaring like he was going to jump across the table to snap Jeremy's neck.

Jeremy is instantly reminded of a similar scene except last time, Damon did what he was thinking.

"Did I tell you about the time Damon ―

"Jeremy." Damon warns, his face grim.

"I'm going to go to the ladies room and when I come back I hope your pissing contest is over," Bonnie excuses herself, body stiff and footsteps angry.

"What are you doing, and how could you be so stupid?" Damon asks when Bonnie's out of earshot. Damon seems amused but Jeremy is not fooled. If they were alone Damon would have killed him, no matter Jeremy's magic ring.

"Everyone may be willing to go along with your plan to keep Bonnie in the dark, but I think that she deserves to know what kind of monster you really are."

Damon can't really argue with that.

* * *

Bonnie walks to the Salvatore boardinghouse, jeans and blouse sticking to her skin in the unseasonably warm weather.

She's carrying wild flowers in her hand.

It's an irrational time of day ― 4 o'clock in the morning.

Bonnie has taken to doing that a lot, much to her father's dismay; going out at all times of the night or day.

It's just because she's sure she's never done anything like this before the accident.

Bonnie reaches the Salvatore residence and walks right in.

They never lock their door.

Bonnie makes her way up the stairs, drawing closer and closer to Damon's room.

Bonnie bursts through Damon's bedroom door, and she's half expecting to see some random woman sharing Damon's bed.

There's just Damon.

Bonnie stands over his bed and he jerks up still half asleep but alert.

Bonnie throws the flowers down. They land in the space between the sheets and his torso.

Bonnie smiles slick and sly, a little bit of Damon rubbing off on her, "Happy birthday, doofus."

She exits they way she came in, hips swaying to a beat only she could hear.

Damon's first coherent thought is that no one's ever given him flowers before.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: I would like to thank the following people for reviewing my story: David Fishwick, Scarlet Water, Sky Samuelle, wizziewoo123, VAMPIRELUVSS, The Jolie Monster, Broken in silence, ILoveBamon, Cynner, Lula6791, lynsay, hpfan1987, CrazierThanYouSince96, brucasforever1418, jimi18, whitestripes123, smilesx10, Jeannetta, shay, Meye, S.E. Carrigan, ShyButterflyKiss, Farie Insignias, dahlia687, Pretty Little Vampires, babyshan211, NaeNae1495, mrs mathis, The Puppeteer, black rose, Lily CullenSalvatore, Angel of Serenity88, MAK 22, Ewalk96, DarkSmile, STarSHipper, Ali08, **and** 23bNrAuLcEaYs**

**Your reviews drive my writing. **

**If there was anyone I forgot, I'm sorry. You are sorely appreciated too.**

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* * *

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_Lying is just a misdemeanor._

**Chapter Four**

The flowers sit in a vase, water surrounding its stems. The petals are still dewy, fresh like only freshness can be.

Damon stares wide eyed, almost unseeing at the "gift" Bonnie gave him.

He tells himself its no big deal. It's just flowers. Bonnie would give them to anyone. They have no meaning.

He repeats that mantra in his head. He repeats that flowers don't mean anything...Bonnie doesn't mean anything.

Stefan sees the flowers in Damon's room and asks Damon about it.

Damon shrugs noncommental as if Stefan will take the hint from Damon's unwillingness to answer.

Stefan let's it go like a good little brother should.

Elena sees the flowers and she is a little caught off guard. She doesn't know what to make of it, and she doesn't feel like it's her place to ask.

Damon sees Elena's interest in the mysterious flowers. He raises his eyebrow, his mouth forms a smirk and he thinks, no matter how much Elena loves Stefan, she' can't help being curious, maybe even a little jealous.

Damon would have once reveled in that fact but he doesn't today. It feels wrong somehow.

He thinks about the girl who gave him the flowers instead.

His birthday passes, surprisingly uneventful. There's no party, no decent into debauchery.

He reads. He drinks. He thinks. He leaves Stefan's present unopened because he wants to savor it. He doesn't know the next time he'll receive something from Stefan again.

It could be years. Decades. Centuries, even.

So he'll keep the present wrapped up as a reminder that once, Stefan broke tradition.

* * *

"Is this what you do all day? Light candles?"It comes out annoyed, but secretly, Damon's amused. He can think of all the things he's seen witches do with their magic, and this is by far the most innocent of activities.

"You can go if you want to. No one's making you stay." Bonnie doesn't say it to be mean. She knows she's not the most interesting thing in this town anymore. Everyone's moved on from local "coma girl."Why shouldn't Damon go find something more entertaining?

The two have finished practicing, and Bonnie's powers prove resilient. The practice went the same way their practice usually goes: Damon would complain, and Bonnie would find ways to shut him up.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" It comes out light because Damon sort of dreads they idea that, yes, Damon has officially worn out his welcome.

He can't get over it; how easily she invites him inside her home, how she trusts him with her life, her father's life.

It feels like he's running the biggest con game.

Damon is realistic. He knows he's capable of some heinous shit. Ask anybody who he's ever loved and they'll tell you how many ways he's found to hurt them.

Just because he can. It's just because it's who he is.

He contemplates telling Bonnie that he's killed more people than the population of the small town west to Mystic Falls. He wants her to finally see him for who he really is.

He's not kind, or safe or sweet. What did Jeremy call him? A monster, was it?

He's a monster. Bonnie should be afraid.

He opens his mouth to do just that. To tell her the absolute truth, but she looks at him then and he can't. He can't bring himself to be honest.

"I'm going to go," is what he says. He makes a vow to himself that he'll stay away from her. They'll practice together but that's it. No more friendship, no more anything.

"If that is what you want to do, " Bonnie isn't hurt. Damon's getting antsy, she figured as much.

She walks him to the door. It's slow and deliberate steps and Bonnie is tempted to tell Damon that he can move faster than that, surely.

They arrive at the door and Damon stares off into space.

"Are you going to open it or what?" Bonnie laughs nervously because Damon isn't acting like himself.

"Thank you." Damon says like he hasn't had practice saying it in years.

Somehow Bonnie knows what he's referring to, or at least some idea of what he's thanking her for, "You're welcome, " she answers with a nod of her head as if to say 'don't mention it.

Damon opens the door to leave and sees Jeremy's hand raised, about to knock on the door.

Damon knows he was here from the moment he heard Jeremy park the car, heard his heart beating a little faster as he walked up Bonnie's porch, heard his breath catching in anticipation.

It sickened Damon, this oppressive need Jeremy has for Bonnie.

How could anyone feel so strongly for a mere girl?

Damon knows, though. It's happened to him for almost two centuries looking for Katherine. It happens to him every time he looks at Elena.

It happens to him every time he thinks about Bonnie's flowers.

Damon shakes his head, as if to clear that last thought.

"Jeremy! I didn't think you were going to come over tonight." Bonnie is surprised, but she is pleased.

"I figured you would be finished with Damon by now, and it looks like I was right."

"I would like to speak with Jeremy privately before you two do whatever it is you're going to do."

Jeremy looked away, half smile on his lips. He knows exactly what Damon's going to do: He'll threaten bodily harm.

Jeremy doesn't care about himself, though. Not really. Damon can do as much damage as he likes to him but what he's doing to Bonnie, what he has done to his Elena in the past, Jeremy refuses to back down.

"Are you sure?" Bonnie inquires, not wanting a repeat of the Grill incident.

"Its okay, Bon, I'll play nice." Jeremy assures.

Damon gets it now, the mile wide chip on Jeremy's shoulders: Jeremy's a little boy pretending to be a hero.

Bonnie closes the door behind her, giving the two men privacy.

The men look at each other then, waiting for the other to speak, say his peace.

Annoyed with the staring contest, Damon begins, "I've decided that Bonnie and I aren't compatible as friends. It will only confuse her. We don't need a confused witch running around."

Jeremy opens and closes his mouth. He was not expecting this. "So you're not going to hang out with her anymore?"

"No. She's too perky, too happy. My misery awaits."

Jeremy would have laughed if he didn't think it was true. Damon wanted to be around hurt and pain. More importantly, he wanted to be the cause of it. Bonnie is not that type of person.

"Of course that means that you have to keep your mouth shut, Gilbert. There's no point in stirring shit up."

Jeremy considers this for a moment. He doesn't feel inclined to keep Damon's secrets, but he doesn't want to make things any more difficult for Bonnie.

"I won't say anything to Bonnie. She doesn't need a reminder of how you wrecked her life."

Damon's jaw ticks, his hands tingling to rip that ring right of off Jeremy's finger, the urge to snap his neck is strong.

"Are you guys finished out here?" Bonnie interrupts. She wanted to wait until they have their little talk but she was worried for Jeremy. She has no illusions as to what Damon could be capable of if really pushed.

"Yeah, we're done." Jeremy responds, answering for the both of them.

* * *

A week. Damon only saw Bonnie once in the past week.

The flowers are dead but he can't bring himself to throw them in the garbage.

Stefan gives him strange looks but he's in no mood to have a heart -to-heart.

So Damon goes out and he does the things he hadn't the chance to do in a while.

He drains a girl dry: she's small, petite, fits under his arm perfectly – so sure that tonight is her lucky night.

She leans her whole body into him and he wonders, briefly, if everyone in the world has gone mad. This woman, this girl, really, is a stranger to him and he is a stranger to her. How can she trust so easily, so willingly?

It must be the halo effect: He's much too gorgeous to do any harm.

He only has to compel her towards the end, when the pain of his bites are too much for her, when she's screaming and squirming and there's the idea of death in her mind.

She's quiet after, like they all are when life has left their bodies.

He tries to feel something for the girl. He tries to imagine her parents, her friends, her boyfriend when they hear that she's dead.

He doesn't feel a thing.

Bonnie hears about the young woman's death on the news. Her heart constricts because she knows that it could have been anyone she knows. Any of the girls from her school, any of the smiling faces from the Grill.

She talks to Caroline about it and she tries to keep the venom out of her voice. She tries to keep the anger, because she's so sure the vampire who did that is not Caroline, is not Stefan, is not Damon.

"Let's find him Caro. Before he does this to someone else."

Caroline frowns, thinks and considers. She is glad that Bonnie wants her to help find the vampire responsible but she's also a little afraid.

Bonnie has been so accepting thus far but there is so much she still doesn't remember about them all.

"Do you think he's going to stick around here, I mean, after the report on the news he's bound to freak out and go somewhere else." Caroline says it with logic behind her statement.

"You're probably right. Maybe Stefan and Damon would help?" Bonnie asks like it's the best idea she's had.

Caroline pauses and thinks for a moment, "Maybe we should wait."

"Wait? Until someone else dies!"

Surfaces is the Bonnie Caroline knew before, the one who couldn't tolerate vampires and in her world.

"I'm just saying that we are not even sure if it's a vampire. It could be an animal like the reporter said."

"You really believe that?

"I don't know."

"I know that I've never asked you the important things like how did you turn into a vampire. I've never asked you about Damon, even though I had to hear it from someone else. If there is something that I should know, please tell me."

Caroline face falls, she can feel the wetness prickling behind her eyes. Caroline can't tell her that she's killed someone, not yet, not when she has her friend back whole-heartedly.

"I really don't have anything to tell you."

Bonnie has an overwhelming sense of dread that spreads throughout her body.

She knows Caroline is lying to her.

But why?

* * *

"Either I've done something to piss you off or you've done something that you don't want me to know about." It's meant as a joke when Bonnie barrels her way into the Salvatore boardinghouse.

She doesn't notice Damon's barely-there flinch because her words hit a little too close to home.

"What are those?" Damon asks referring to the item in her hands, completely ignoring her last statement.

Bonnie smiles, "These are Casa Blanca lilies. I personally love them and I thought you should have some too. Besides I'm sure the other flowers are long dead. So, which is it, Damon? Are you mad at me or have you been a bad boy."

The sultry pitch of Bonnie's voice does things for Damon that he'll deny.

"I'm not mad at you."

"So it's the later. Have you been shacking up with Katherine?" Bonnie playfully asks.

"No!" Damon responds, clearly astonished that Bonnie would think such a thing.

"Well, you can't blame me if that's what I think. It's not like you were around to say any different. Where do I put these?"

"I don't want them." As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he wishes he could have said something else.

Bonnie's smile dims and she serious considers chucking the lilies in her hand right at his face. It won't hurt him but it would make Bonnie feel better.

"Look, if you want me to leave, just tell me to leave. You are obviously in a foul mood and I won't push you to let me keep you company." Bonnie places the flowers on a table near an antique lamp. "You can do whatever you want with them."

Bonnie heads for the door.

It occurs to Damon that this is Bonnie's way of saying she's done with him, at least for now.

Damon moves quickly and although Bonnie knows Damon's capable of anything, Damon suddenly blocking the doorway shocks her.

Her pulse jumps, and it's not for the first time that she acknowledges that there are things about Damon that she's sure she doesn't want to know.

He invades her space. He should say something witty and brilliant but all that comes out is, "Don't go."

"You're not giving me much of a choice. Elena may find it charming when you're an asshole but I just find it infuriating"

The mere mention of Elena should make him back-off.

It doesn't.

"You really have no idea who I am, do you?"

Bonnie misinterprets his question, "I'm sorry that I don't remember you. I want to. I really want to know what you meant to me."

"You hated me." It feels good to let some of the truth slip out.

"Why?"

Damon doesn't say anything. He thinks that this is the moment when he'll tell her everything.

"Why?," Bonnie asks again.

"Your grandmother..."

"What about my grandmother?" Confusion implanted on Bonnie's face.

"I was there...I mean I wasn't actually there but I..." Damon stops talking then and moves away from the door. Elena enters the boardinghouse first, Stefan right behind her.

"Bonnie!" Elena exclaims, surprised but happy to see her friend. "What are you doing here?"

Stefan is more perceptive. He watches the carefully blank expression on Damon's face. He looks to Bonnie, and she seems so worried.

"I came over to talk to Damon and he was going to tell me something." Bonnie looks to Damon then, hoping for some clarity.

"Damon, can I talk to you for a second," Stefan doesn't wait for a response. He starts walking toward the kitchen like he's sure Damon will follow.

Elena catches on and suggests, "Bonnie, why don't we go upstairs."

"That's okay. I was just about to leave anyway. I'll talk to you later."

"Call me tonight," Elena requests of her retreating friend.

As the door shuts, Elena looks to Damon, knowing that something must have happened, "What did you do?"

Damon ignores her question and belatedly follows his brother to the kitchen.

"I know what you're going to say."

"What am I going to say, Damon?" Stefan responds like he's bored but he's far from it.

"You are going to say something about how I'm wrong, I'm horrible, I need to change, blah blah blah."

"Why would I say that?"

"Because it's what you do. You go out of your way to make me miserable."

"If memory serves me right, that was your vow to me, not the other way around."

Damon smirks then, "Oh yeah, now I remember."

"What happened here tonight?" Stefan asks because he wants Damon to focus.

"I was doing what you wanted me to do. I was going to tell her everything. You sure know how to ruin a moment, little brother."

"You really were going to tell her what happened?" Skepticism lacing Stefan's words.

"Is that so hard to believe?"

Meanwhile, Elena becomes restless in the living room. It is not as if she can hear what they are saying, so she gets up from the couch and rounds a table to go to Stefan's room.

She stops short when she notices the white flowers.

* * *

**A/N: I will not be updating again until later in the week (possibly 3/5/11 or 3/6/11).**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: I would like to thank the usual suspects for reviewing my story. All of you have been kind, engaged readers.**

**Thanks to some new reviewers: randomlittleme, and belleslvtr1867. Hope you guys stay along for the ride.**

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_Hair pulling is how bullies say they like you._

**Chapter Five**

After talking to his brother, Damon decides that he is not going to finish his conversation with Bonnie.

Damon plans to avoid her like the plague because he's good at getting lost when he wants to.

He decides that he didn't need to do anything for anybody. He doesn't need to be the man his brother and Elena wanted him to be.

He doesn't need to tell Bonnie the truth because honesty never made anyone's life better.

Elena asks him, "Did Bonnie give these to you?"

Maybe she was referring to the white lilies on the table. Or maybe she's even speaking of the wild flowers that were beyond dead in the bedroom.

He's temped to make a big deal out of it, because he can see just looking at Elena that she wants to make a big production.

"They're just flowers, Elena. Don't worry; you're still my number one girl."

Elena flushes, and Damon can't tell if it's out of anger or embarrassment.

"That's not why I asked. She's been through so much and she doesn't need ―"

"What? Me? She doesn't need someone like me in her life."

"You're putting words in my mouth, Damon."

"Far be it from me to confuse the Queen of Mixed Signals."

In vain, Elena asks "Why are being like this?"

"Because I don't know how to be any other way."

Damon throws out the dead flowers in his bedroom.

He throws out the fresh ones too.

* * *

Damon doesn't know how many women he's drunk from. He wouldn't be able to count how much of other people's blood is flowing in his system.

He drinks all kinds of things to make the liquid carnage go down smoother: Bourbon, Vodka, Whiskey.

It all just a burning deposit in his stomach.

It's like he lost Katherine all over again.

He gotten into a routine: he'll pick up a girl with apple cider skin and mossy green eyes.

He tells her all the horrid shit he's done and he compels her to sit and listen. He tells her about a grandmother she doesn't know or doesn't have. He tells her how she was once possessed by an ancestor the poor girl can't name. He tells her how he bit her, once. Just once. And how it felt so satisfying, the soft give of her neck under his teeth. He tells her how if his sainted brother wasn't there, he would have killed her. It's the absolute truth.

The girl, who knows this story isn't her own, nods, frowns, feels that she should run but her body won't obey.

Damon asks the girl if she'd like for him to kiss her.

The girl wants to scream, 'No!' but no sound comes out. There is no sound available.

There's fear running in currents. Fear like this young girl has never known and she can't do a damned thing about it.

"You'd prefer someone like Jeremy, right? I'm just a monster, right?" Damon's close to shouting.

'Who is Jeremy' and "yes, you are a monster" is what the girl thinks.

Damon finishes his confession like he's finished all the others.

The girl ends up like all the others.

Pristine, bloodless, deprived of life.

* * *

"What are we going to do about this?"

It may be a bad idea to have a conversation like this in her best friend's kitchen but Bonnie has waited enough as it is.

She's waited like Caroline bid her to do.

She's sat on her hands because Elena didn't want her go at it alone.

Elena bites her lip and considers options that are never there. "How would we even find the person responsible, Bon?"

Bonnie suppresses her first thought. Sometimes, she gets the distinct feeling that Elena is reluctant to save anyone who is not directly connected to Elena.

Humans, please fend for yourselves.

"We have to do something! I'm sick of hearing stories of these girls being found murdered."

They don't say it out loud, how the girls are starting to look like Bonnie, how the girls are so close in age and appearance.

"I hate it as much as you do. But it's not like we know how the murderer looks, or anything else useful."

"I have an idea that you're not going to like."

"Whatever your thinking, its way to dangerous, Bon."Elena responds, her expression grim.

"What's the point of being a witch if I can't at least protect myself? I'm only suggesting that I'll set a trap of some sort, you know. I'll go into a bar and bait him or something. I'll take Caroline with me."

"When are you going to do it?" Elena asks, resigned to the fact that her friend is going vampire hunting.

"Tonight. It happens tonight.

* * *

The bar is not very far from Mystic Falls, only a little on the outskirts.

Bonnie thinks that this is the type of place a killer would hunt.

Take you some place where no one can hear you scream.

Caroline is in the corner sitting at a table by herself, eyes nonchalant but ears vigilant. Bonnie tries not to glance at her.

Bonnie refuses drinks from all the wholesome looking boys. Call her naive but they just don't look like the vampire type, or the serial killer type for that matter.

There's one guy who won't take no for an answer and Bonnie hesitates because she never wants to use her powers against other human beings.

She thinks of something benign: serious enough that he'll leave her alone but not anything that'll kill him.

It only takes a moment for the beers that the young man had been drinking to disagree with him. He almost knocks over patron trying to make it to the bathroom.

Vomit on shoes is never fashion forward.

Bonnie smiles inwardly to herself.

The door to the bar opens and she makes note of women, how they seem to melt into a puddle in their seats at the sight of the person walking in.

Bonnie doesn't look, though. She just sits steadily on her bar stool, eyes trained on the Coca Cola in her glass. She ordered it because she didn't want alcohol to cloud her head.

Bonnie notices the strong, pale hand of the man, first; Then the leather sleeve of his jacket. Her eyes reach his face and she's not surprised.

"I knew it." Bonnie states.

When Damon first walked into the bar, he noticed the furtive glance Caroline gave to every person there, he noticed Bonnie sitting at the bar, but he continued on his path anyway.

This was no coincidence, he's sure.

There was faltering in his step when he walked to the bar. There was pause in his smooth gate because Bonnie is not supposed to be here.

Not live, not in the flesh.

Bonnie says she 'knew it' and Damon waits for the searing pain, he waits for the burn on his skin. Bonnie will kill him. She will punish him for wasting the lives of all those young girls.

"Elena sent you here because she thinks I can't handle it," Bonnie says, head shaking slowly, amusement in her eyes.

"Handle what?" Damon knows he's giving himself away but he can't resist.

"Don't pretend you don't know. Caroline and I are supposed to be hunting for the vampire that is murdered all those girls. Apparently he hangs out at spots like these." Bonnie speaks in a volume that only Damon can hear.

Damon frowns. Has he become that predictable? So predictable that even a teenaged witch and a baby vampire can find him?

"I don't think he is going to show tonight. I've been here for a while." Bonnie's voice interrupts Damon's dejected thinking.

"Do you know even know what to look for?" Damon asks.

"Someone handsome, someone dangerous. Someone like you." Bonnie responds. She hasn't seen him in so long it seems.

He never approached her again after the night where he was going to tell her something about her grandmother. If Bonnie were to be honest, she didn't want to be the one who came to him first. She didn't call. She didn't stop by the Salvatore residence. She gave him the space he seemed to need so badly.

She couldn't explain to herself at this moment why she was flirting with him now.

Someone like Damon wouldn't want someone like Bonnie. It's not that she down on herself; she just knows that Damon doesn't find her interesting.

Bonnie's not Elena.

Still. She smiles. She bats her eyelashes a little. She leans into Damon, breast pressed tight against her shirt. She'll deny the action later.

Damon pretends not to notice and it's just her luck.

"You can go home now. I can go home, we all can go home, I guess." Bonnie commented in a defeated manner.

"How do you know he's not here right now?" Damon had this terrible habit of making his own life miserable.

"He could be here. But I haven't seen anybody leave with a girl on his arm yet."

"Maybe he's taking his time, waiting for the right moment. Maybe he knows he's being watched."

"You could be right. But I get the distinct feeling that he wouldn't cower away from striking tonight. He seems like he'd want the challenge."

"So you profile murderous vampires, now?"

"No. I just...I've been thinking so much about this. Even if I am completely wrong about this vampire, I have to do something. All of these lives wasted. And for what?"

"Maybe he has no other choice." Damon responded, staring at the assorted liquor bottles lined against the wall.

"There's always a choice."

Damon cringed. He suddenly hated everything about this bar, hated everything in this bar, and wanted to be far, far away.

Damon made the decision that his life would be better without Bonnie Bennett around. He could have peace then.

He could have his own personal hell without the help of the witch.

"Let's get out of here." the words were out of his mouth before he could formulate a plan.

Damon had some things to his advantage. He knew Bonnie's every move thanks to their hours of practice. He knows what she's capable of and he has built up resistance.

"I can't just leave Caroline by herself!" Bonnie exclaimed, a bit of indignation in her voice.

"She'll be fine." Damon responded, already walking away from Bonnie, knowing that she'll follow him.

It's all a blur.

After leaving the bar, Damon leads Bonnie to this broken down barn. Bonnie hops and skips over the broken, jagged wood of the barn floors.

She stands next to a square of whey. It's old, as well. She's not sure how long this barn will hold up, not with both of them in there.

She did not miss the strange looks Damon kept giving her. If she were any other girl, she would be nervous. But she trusted Damon.

Sometimes, trusting Damon felt like a bad idea. Bonnie couldn't explain it, and she had no real reason to be cautious but she gets this breath-quickening fear that last for mere seconds.

"Remember you told me how I hated you?"

Damon stopped in his tracks. Somehow he thought this would be easier. Maybe it's because he's stone cold sober. He should have ordered a drink. Or two.

"I remember." Damon allowed cautiously.

"What were you going to tell me?"

Damon knew, with out a doubt, that there weren't many choices. He could kill her while her guard was down. He could tell her the truth before he killed her.

He could do that, at least.

Damon moves suddenly, and he's so close to Bonnie that he can feel the soft exhale of her breath against his face.

Some irrational part of him wanted to take Bonnie's upturned face in his hands and press his lips against hers.

Damon lifted his hand and ran his fingers through her hair. It was a startlingly intimate gesture and Bonnie did not know what to make of it.

"Are you going to tell me?" She hated how her voice shook.

Damon remained silent. He couldn't bring himself to do anything but stand there and stare into her eyes.

He can recall every look she's ever given him in the past: disgust, mistrust, anger, fear. Most importantly, hate.

He saw none of that in her eyes now.

Damon hesitated. He hesitated because he never actually killed someone who knew what he was and did not hold it against him. He hesitated because he never actually killed someone who he didn't have to compel into staying right where they were.

Damon lets Bonnie go, and moves away from her. "Jeremy's still in love with you."

The turn in events makes Bonnie confused. "What does he have to do with anything?"

"You were right, when you said I was in love with Elena."

At that moment, Bonnie felt her chest constrict. She was stupid to think she and Damon had something.

"Oh. You and Elena, you," Bonnie looks down, struggling to find words, "I have to go. Okay, I...I should go."

Bonnie knew she was speaking nonsense but there was nothing she could say.

* * *

The killings stop.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: I would love to thank everyone who reviewed my story. I appreciate your support.**

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_Feelings are the most inconvenient truth_

**Chapter Six**

"Come away with me."Jeremy all but blurts out.

Bonnie nearly chokes on her iced latte. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought that meeting Jeremy at the Grill, a nice public place, would prevent Jeremy from making any neo-romantic overtures.

She was wrong.

Jeremy holds up a hand, taking note of Bonnie's obvious sign of disapproval, "Before you say anything, I meant it in the most platonic way. I want to go to my family's cabin and I would like you to accompany me. Nothing that you don't want to happen will happen."

"Even so, I don't think that this is the best idea, Jeremy."

"What's wrong with getting away to have some time to think and relax."

"Nothings wrong with that, but we would be thinking and relaxing together."

"Is that such a terrible thing?" The earnestness in Jeremy's voice melts Bonnie. She knows that she should be setting boundaries for him and herself but she doesn't want to disappoint him.

"You were like this before the accident, you know."

"Like what?"

"A little hard to get. So worried about what people would think if they knew about me and you. You were seriously worried about Elena's reaction."

Bonnie knows that part of the ordeal. She's broached the topic with Elena recently, and Elena gave her shinning stamp of approval: "It's fine, Bon. I can't think of a better person for Jeremy."

Bonnie didn't think it was fine, though.

"Maybe some time away would get _him_ off you mind." Jeremy says, knowingly.

Bonnie doesn't form a verbal response, but she leaves her eyes open and honest. She really didn't want to have a conversation about Damon with Jeremy.

"That guy's no good for you."

"I wish everyone would stop assuming that they know what is good for me. I lost some of my memory, but I didn't lose the ability to think for myself. Besides, Damon's in love with Elena so you are wasting your breath."

Jeremy forms a skeptical mask on his face. It doesn't go unnoticed.

"What's that look about?"

"It's just...I wouldn't put it past Damon to get something going with you just to stick it to Elena."

"Because he wouldn't want me for me, right?" Bonnie asks in a humorless tone.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. It just that Damon operates with an agenda. He always will."

Bonnie remains silent. She sips leisurely at her drink and looks at the people around them. She wonders, distractingly, where all these people would go if Mystic Grill were to close its doors.

"Look, I understand that you don't want to jump into anything with me. I get it. But I want to spend time with you. I want to be around you. I want to see you laugh and smile and you haven't been doing that lately. Maybe a change of scenery would help.

Bonnie has a sudden thought, and she wonders why she hasn't considered it before, "Would this be the first time since your parents that you go there?"

"Yeah, it would."

"And you want to share something like that with me?"

"I wouldn't want anyone else."

Bonnie softens.

"Okay but no funny business, Mister Gilbert," Bonnie responds in mock sternness.

Jeremy smiles a sly smile, "You say that now..."

* * *

Damon follows the sounds of closing and opening kitchen cabinets and hushed voices.

He smells coffee. Eggs. A hint of fresh blood.

Elena must have Stefan on a feeding schedule.

How quaint.

He strolls tiredly into the kitchen and the fact that Elena and Stefan instantly stop talking is not lost on him.

Damon gives a ceramic smile with hardness in the corners of his mouth, "This is a new occurrence," Damon begins as he pours himself a cup of coffee. "You usually talk about what a horrible bastard I am to my face, not behind my back."

"We weren't talking about you, Damon." Stefan responds, scoffing at Damon's paranoia.

"Is that true?" Damon's question is thrown at Elena.

He can trust that Stefan wouldn't hide the life or death things from him. It's the small things that make lying between them too easy.

Elena doesn't conceal her surprise that Damon would ask the question of her and not of Stefan. Maybe he thinks she's the most honest with him. "It's true. We weren't talking about you," Elena verifies.

Damon gives a small nod of his head. "Then what were you two talking about?"

"Nothing. It's not important," Elena answers.

"Well if it isn't important, why are you two being so secretive?"

"Drop it, Damon." Stefan warns.

Damon gives his brother his best plastic smile and then eyes Elena. She'll usually break first.

"It's none of your business. Now stop interrogating us." Elena is firm in her request, steel and unwavering in her posture.

Damon narrows his eyes at that girl he claims to love so much. Elena would never be this rude to Stefan, would she? "You know, Elena. If I didn't like you so much, I'd find you very annoying."

With that, Damon brushes past the supposed girl of his dreams and the brother he can't bring himself to kill even on his worst day and heads to his room, coffee in hand.

Stefan sets down his own cup of coffee on the counter and walks the short distance to where Elena stands.

He wraps his arms around her, securely and Elena responds immediately.

It's like Pavlov's dog. As soon as Stefan touches her, she succumbs to this overwhelming need to get closer to him.

With her head on his chest, Stefan smiles a soft smile, always amazed that such a little girl could be so tough.

* * *

Caroline doesn't jump when she sees Damon standing next to her locker after closing it, books in hand for the next class.

Caroline has worked hard at not being such a scaredy cat. Damon's impressed.

"I'm always surprised they let just anyone walk into a high school nowadays. I hardly had to compel anyone. Hadn't they heard of Columbine?"

"What do you want Damon?"

He cuts to the chase, "My darling Elena and my insolent brother were discussing something this morning and kept me out of the conversation. You're going to tell me what it was."

"What makes you think I know?" A frown marring Caroline's otherwise smooth forehead.

"Because the look on your face tells me you do. What's going on?"

Caroline turns on her heels and starts walking away from him. She doesn't get too far as Damon appears in front of her.

"Where do you think you're going Blondie?"

"To class. Get out of my way before I make you." Caroline says it low and threatening and Damon has no doubt that she would try to physically move him out of her way.

Damon knows he could hurt her if he really wanted to. He's a stronger vampire; smarter, even. But there is something almost primal about Caroline. It's all of that unfettered emotion that makes her unpredictable.

Damon takes a step back, tries a different approach. A fight in front of impressionable teenagers is not always a good idea.

Not that he gives a shit about teenagers.

"You and I are so similar, Caroline. That's what attracted me to you in the first place. I knew you would get me. I bet that you haven't even told Bonnie about what happened the night of the carnival. Poor Carter. Did his family ever find his remains?"

Caroline turns pale, her stomach forming knots. Nervousness for vampires as opposed to humans feels like the amoeba virus.

"Are you threatening me?" Caroline asks, throat dry and suddenly aching.

"No. I won't tell if you won't. I just think us kindred spirits should stick together. If it's something important I should know. I could always ask Bonnie." Damon reasons.

"Bonnie's not here today." Caroline tries and fails to keep the satisfaction out of her voice. Caroline is not stupid. She knows Damon has taken a certain interest in her friend. Damon faces twitches because it's obvious he's not expecting that little bit of news.

"Where is she?" Damon asks, the pretense of boredom in his tone.

"She skipped school today. To hang out with Jeremy." Caroline states, walking around an immobile Damon to get to the class she is five minutes late for.

* * *

Despite the vow he made to himself to stay away from Bonnie, Damon goes to the Grill to look for her.

It's not uncommon to skip school and hide in plain sight. No one in this town says anything anyway.

The way life expectancy is in this area, school is optional.

All Damon encounters is a lonely Alaric, drinking deeply from glass in his hand, trying to reach the bottom of whatever reality he prefers besides this one.

"It's a little bit early to be drinking, isn't it Ric? Don't you have papers to grade or something?"

"Essays always look better than they really are after a good drink. I'm not half as bored and the students get a good grade. Everybody wins." Alaric jokes.

"Have you seen Bonnie and that Gilbert boy around?"

Alaric raises an eyebrow. Of all the things to discuss, Alaric wouldn't bet that those two would be the topic. "No I haven't seen them. Why?"

"Apparently Bonnie and Jeremy are playing hookie."

Alaric snorts, "What's new?" Half of my history class is in here. You wanna bet I won't be seeing most of them at 7th period."

Damon smiles despite himself. He thinks that Ric is an okay guy. Almost tell him so but he didn't want the fearless vampire killer to get any mushy ideas.

* * *

Damon waits. He stands near his car and watches bodies stream from the exits, fleeing almost.

It's Friday afternoon and Friday night is only a few hours away. They'll go to the Grill or the mall, see a movie, kiss their girlfriend or boyfriend, and lie to their parents about not having homework this weekend only to spend all of Sunday night scribbling something passable for the teacher on Monday morning.

He see's Stefan first and is mildly surprised not to see his better half attached at the hip.

"Where's Elena?" Damon asks, curiosity getting the better of him.

"She's staying after class with her math teacher."

"Flunking?"

"Passing. Much to everyone's dismay."

"You know if you do your girlfriend's homework for her, she's never going learn anything."

Stefan sort of grins and Damon smirks right back at him.

Sometimes, they can have these easy, breezy moments between each other and then reality crashes them back to their starting point. It doesn't last long but the little moments are lasting longer, and longer.

Damon stalls a bit, he knows the moment will be ruined by his next words, "I heard the strangest thing today. Bonnie and Jeremy didn't go to school. Know anything about that, brother?" The word 'brother' drips in sarcasm and Damon briefly wonders how many times he's invoked that word and in how many ways.

Stefan's face smoothes out, devoid of any feeling.

Damon thinks it's a little unfair. Here he is struggling to control his emotions and someone has finally taught Stefan to play poker.

"That's not your concern," is all Stefan says.

"See, normally I would agree with that. But for some reason, everyone is treating this like a secret to be guarded. Stop making such a big deal, Stefan, and I'll stop making such a big deal."

"Why do you care?"

"I don't care?"

"Right, you're just asking for your health."

The playfulness could be back if Damon let it.

He won't. He'd rather push Stefan's buttons. "What if something were to happen while Bonnie is AWOL. Klaus can't stay dormant forever, and Katherine is constantly on the prowl."

"If we need Bonnie, I know where to find her." Stefan says it like that will end the conversation.

"I'm not so sure that I'm comfortable with that."

Stefan steps closer to his brother, really considering him. Not in a new light but with different light bulb, definitely.

"What's going on between you and Bonnie?" Stefan has asked before but Damon's shrugged it off.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"But you want there to be." Stefan responds, understanding finally dawns.

Damon blinks and his face tightens with an unpleasant grimace that could be mistaken for sheepishness if it were anyone else.

Before he could snark his way out of his own mess, Elena fits herself between the brothers, molding her body along Stefan's side.

Damon hates the look of wonderment and joy that flashes in Elena's eyes whenever she's near Stefan.

Damon continues to let Elena rain all over his parade.

"What are you two arguing about?"Elena demands to know.

"We weren't arguing. We were talking." Stefan assures his beloved girlfriend.

"Where's Bonnie?" Damon asks Elena, ignoring Stefan's knowing gaze.

Elena bites her lips. It's supposed to be cute but it only serves to irritate Damon, "What do you want with her?" Elena doesn't voice that he'll have to go through her to get Bonnie but her stance says it all.

"She can't just run off without telling anybody." Damon says, impatience making the words sound bitten off.

"She's told everyone who's important." Elena responds without thinking.

Although Damon's face forms a carefully blank wall, Elena can tell she's hurt his feelings.

Elena really wants to stop doing that.

"I'm sorry, Damon. I didn't mean ―"

"Whatever." Damon cuts her off, word sounding bitter even to him.

"She'll be back on Sunday. You can talk to her then," Stefan offers.

"Sunday? She's going to be gone for the whole weekend with Jeremy?"

Elena and Stefan share a look like they are deciding whether or not to put Damon out of his misery.

"You could hang out with us. I don't have any homework this weekend. We can do something fun." Elena wants Damon to feel like he's a part of their lives, even when he doesn't want to admit it.

Stefan looks like he'd rather stab himself in the eye with a fork than babysit his big brother. But he'll do it. For Elena.

Even a little for his brother sake, too.

"No thank you. You're pity is appreciated but I can find something else to occupy my time."

Damon picks up Elena's hand and places a chaste kiss on the skin there, letting her know that all is forgiven.

After a noncommental nod to Stefan, he jumps in his car and starts the engine.

"You two crazy kids leave some breathing room for each other!" Damon shouts as he drives away.

Elena giggles and Stefan tries not to grin.

* * *

Friday night is some ridiculous booze filled vortex. Damon doesn't know anything or anyone.

The woman riding him is vaguely familiar, but she's pleasing nevertheless. He grips her blonde hair and pale skin to bring her closer against him.

He doesn't kill the woman but he feeds from her like a starving man. It's more because he can than because he is truly hungry.

Saturday is a mix of utter abysmal existence and spectacular debauchery.

The morning sucks. He's in no mood to hear Elena's breathy moans of pleasure or his brother's stuttered declarations of love.

He'll pass, thank you.

The afternoon strikes out. Upon taking a leisurely stroll, Damon bumps into Matt and Caroline, or Ken and Barbie if you prefer. He doesn't miss the slightly glazed look the boy has.

Damon smiles a huge plastic smile to Caroline. He can't wait tell everything blows up in Barbie's face.

He has a feeling that things will blow up in his face sooner, though.

The night brings the lust and consumption that Damon lives for (besides the obvious).

He picks up this lovely young girl with perfect cider skin, and perfect green eyes, and Damon starts to think that maybe he has a type.

The sex is filthy and sweaty and Damon is having so much fun until he moans another's name.

"Who the hell is Bonnie?" The girl freezes, anger surfacing despite her still obvious arousal.

"She's...um...she's…" Damon doesn't know why he's even trying to explain. He could always compel her to shut up.

"I understand. She's an ex-girlfriend, right? Well I guess its okay. As long as I get to call you Dwight. You look nothing like him but I have a wonderful imagination with my eyes closed."

So Damon calls the girl Bonnie, and he's called Dwight and he's pretty sure this is the most dysfunctional sex he's had in a while.

He gets home 3 a.m. on a Sunday morning, head throbbing but a cocky with just fucked look all over his face.

He hasn't checked his phone messages in the longest, so he waste sometime letting the water heat up before he takes a shower to listen to his voice messages.

Stefan: "Staying with Elena on Saturday night. Don't do anything stupid."

Next Message.

Liz: "God, I hate leaving this on a voice message but I think something is going on with Caroline. Call me."

Next Message.

Anonymous: "Heard you were looking for me. It's obviously not an emergency since I talked to Elena. I guess I'll see you Monday."

The shock of hearing Bonnie's voice makes Damon sit down on the edge of his tub.

He plays the message again and he picks up Jeremy's voice in the background, wanting to know who Bonnie is talking to.

He plays the message again and he picks up a cricket or two in the background, making their spiny, green presence known to the entire world.

He plays the message again and he hears the monotone of Bonnie's words. She makes it seem like it's a big chore to call him.

He plays the message again and wonders why he has to wait until Monday to talk to her when she'll be back on Sunday. Today, he realizes.

He plays it again and realizes that he's missed Bonnie Bennett.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews my story. You guys are too awesome for words.**

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_When all else fails, try communication_

**Chapter 7**

"We could stay a little longer" Jeremy meant is as a suggestion but it sounded more like plea. Returning to the real world was met with resistance.

"We miss so much time off of school as it is," Bonnie contested.

"It's just... it's been so much fun; just the two of us. What's back there in Mystic Falls? Murder, mayhem," Jeremy conveniently left out Damon. There was no point in arguing the matter with Bonnie.

On Saturday Elena had called Bonnie, telling her about Damon's near frantic search of the teenage witch.

Jeremy didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit. What's worse is that Bonnie called _him_. She only left a voice message but Jeremy didn't see why she even had to call in the first place.

This time at the cabin was supposed to be about reconnecting. At least to Jeremy.

Bonnie packed.

There was a ritual: her undergarments were lined at the bottom; then her jeans; her blouse and hoodies next; her socks were stuffed into the spare pockets of the luggage case.

"Can't we stay until Monday?"

"That's tomorrow. There's no point in delaying."

Bonnie walked over to Jeremy, placing her hands on his forlorn face. He still seemed so young to her. He can tell her everything just by the expressions on his face. His emotions were never hidden from her and she appreciates that so much.

She just couldn't be the person he wanted her to be. The only person she knew besides herself who felt that way most of the time was Damon. There's always someone wanting Damon to be something beyond who he is.

She supposes she's guilty of that, too.

Bonnie rubbed the sides of Jeremy's face, his cheeks warming her palms, "You are a good friend, you know that."

Jeremy leaned into Bonnie, his forehead coming down to rest against hers. "And that's all I'll ever be, right?"

"I'm sorry. I would say I tried but something like this shouldn't take effort. You are important to me and I don't know what I would have done without you."

Jeremy moved away from the comfort of her hands. Her words were nice. They were sincere. But truly, he didn't want to hear them.

"Is this about Damon?" Jeremy couldn't resist asking.

"Damon doesn't have a say in what I do."

"But you like him."

"Yes, I like him."

"No, I mean...do you like him_, like _him."

Bonnie resisted the urge to make some snide comment along the lines of 'What is this? High school or something?,' but Bonnie realized that they were in high school.

Sometimes she felt so much older than she really was.

"If you mean do I like Damon in a romantic since then, I can't really give you an answer to that. He's ridiculously attractive. He's witty. He's complicated. And he's in love with my best friend. That's a little hard to overcome, don't you think?"

"What if he liked you back?" Jeremy didn't know why he was doing this to himself. Hearing her talk about Damon in such a positive way killed him. She had no idea what he's done to all of them.

"What if. What if I never had an accident? What if I was never a witch? 'What if' doesn't do anything for me. Not a thing."

The drive back to Mystic Falls wasn't as tense as she thought it would be. Jeremy loosened up when she turned on the radio, and sang along to almost anything she could catch the rhythm of.

She was glad she went away this weekend, if only to give herself time to think.

* * *

Damon spent Sunday evening drinking. It was his favorite pastime. When everything tuned to crap ― he needed a stiff drink. When there was cause for celebration ― he needed a stiff drink.

AA really didn't work for Vampires.

Damon hardly noticed his brother walking in but he had the presence of mind to ask what has been on his mind since that damned voice message. Of course, he wouldn't acknowledge that Bonnie has been on his mind way earlier than that.

"Did you see her?"

Stefan was tempted to ignore the question and head to his room. He wasn't sure how much he should indulge Damon regarding this _thing_ with Bonnie.

Stefan knew that at least one person was going to get hurt in all of this. Maybe everyone.

"I saw her. Briefly, very brief. Said hi and bye; not much else."

"Liar. You probably helped her with her bags."

"You know me so well." Damn it if it wasn't true.

"Is she home now?," Damon asked carefully. He had this bad habit of giving himself away all the time.

"Yes," Stefan responds with a nod of this head for good measure, "but she's with Elena and Caroline."

"They probably want to hear all of the dirty details," Damon retorts under his breath.

"You think something happened?" Stefan asked. He felt horrible for doing so but a part of him was, well for lack of a better term, amused with the whole situation.

"How did Gilbert Junior seem?"

Stefan thought for a moment. He didn't want to say anything that Damon could misconstrue. "He seemed...content."

"Content?"

"Yeah, content. It's your turn to restock the liquor, by the way." Stefan stands up from leaning against the bar and heads for the stairs.

"How do you figure that?" Damon asks, indignation creeping in.

Stefan turns around to face his brother, "The person who finishes the bourbon is the one who restocks the bar."

"I'm usually the one who finishes it," Damon admits.

With a playful tap to his big brother's face, Stefan responds, "Why do you think I made the rule?"

* * *

"Did you two share a bed?," Caroline asks, eyes playful and narrowed with suspicion.

Elena laughs and lightly protests, "I'm not sure I want to hear this," her hands already covering her ears.

Bonnie reaches over to pull Elena's hands from her ears and insists, "Nothing happened."

The three girls are piled onto the couch in the Bennett living room. They munch on homecoming chocolate chip cookies that Jenna baked and insisted Elena bring to Bonnie. The cookies are shaped weirdly but they tasted good.

"Are you sure nothing happened?" Caroline asks, pushing the issue.

"I... well… I don't remember," Bonnie jokes.

The girls laugh loud and hardy, almost howling. The three couldn't think of a time they got together that wasn't concerning some sort of a crisis.

Being together like this felt satisfying, like a void was being filled.

Bonnie get's up from the couch and stretches "I'm going to get some milk. Do you guys want anything?"

"No," Caroline and Elena answer in unison.

Once Bonnie is out of the room, Caroline turns to Elena, "I'm going to tell her about Carter."

Elena's long smile slips. "Now?" Elena didn't want to ruin the moment.

"Damon is using it against me. I have to. She has to hear it from me." Caroline answers tight and frantically.

"Wait. What does Damon have to do with this?"

"He threatened to tell her. He's going to keep using that if I don't tell Bonnie the truth."

"The truth about what?" Bonnie didn't manage to catch the beginning of Caroline's comment but she caught the tail-end.

Elena and Caroline jumped apart, looking guilty and rueful.

"I didn't hear you come in," is all Caroline says. She was so wrapped up in her emotions that she lost awareness of the things around her. She should have been able to hear Bonnie coming back into the room.

"The truth about what?" Bonnie repeats. She knows her friends are stalling.

"I have to tell you something. Can't you sit please?" Caroline's eyes were already blurring with unshed tears, and there was nervous energy in her hands.

Bonnie sits.

She sits and waits because she knows that this is going to be very difficult.

"Remember you asked if I ever killed anyone?" Caroline begins.

Bonnie can't bring herself to respond, her silence answers for her.

"I did. But…but I wasn't myself…I didn't know what I was doing." The words rush past Caroline's lips.

"When?" Bonnie's expression is blank. There's this buzzing sound in her ears and she feels like she's not here in this room.

She feels outside of herself.

"It was when I was first turned. There was a carnival. And I didn't know what was happening to me, I didn't know what I was. All of a sudden I could do these things that I couldn't do before...I changed. I was in the hospital because I was in a car accident. Tyler was in the car, and Matt was there, too. I wanted to leave the hospital. I mean, I felt fine. I felt better than fine, but I couldn't go out into the daylight, everything, the sun, burned―"

"I made you a ring," Bonnie filled in. That much she knew.

"Yeah. You made the ring." Caroline looked down, tears streaking south, chin trembling.

"What happened next?" Bonnie didn't recognize her own voice. It felt empty. She felt empty.

"I went to the carnival and I just wanted to find Matt. I saw this guy who was a worker at the carnival. His name was Carter. I was so hungry and I couldn't stop myself. I killed him. I'm sorry."

Rationally, Bonnie knows that vampires aren't human. Not really. Not when you add the overwhelming power, and the overwhelming thirst. She wanted to judge Caroline like she would a human. She wanted to scream and ask, 'How could you take a life like that?'

Is hunger a reason for murder?

"Say something," Caroline pleads.

"Maybe we should go." Elena offers.

"Have you killed anyone since?" Bonnie asks. Bonnie wants to know if Caroline's answer will make a difference.

Caroline latched onto the question, "No, no. Stefan's been teaching me and I don't feed off humans."

"There is just so much I don't remember, isn't there? Things that are much worse. Things that would make me ―" Bonnie stops herself. She isn't sure if she could talk about this so logically.

"I need some time to think about all of this. I don't...I'm not...I just don't know what to say right now. "

"We're going to go." Elena suggested it earlier but she is more determined now. Bonnie obviously needs to be alone.

Elena grabs Caroline's hand and pulls her up from the couch.

When they leave, Bonnie's thinking had nothing to do with blood and murder.

She thought of nothing but the oblong cookies they ate, the body heat of childhood friends, the laughter still ranging in her ears.

Long after they've gone.

* * *

"How many people have you killed?" Bonnie sits in a chair, an unread book laid open in her hands.

Under the guise of wanting to study the books contained inside the Salvatore boardinghouse, she finds herself sitting across from Stefan.

Bonnie wondered how many bodies he has left in his path. How many bodies has Damon left in his path? If someone like Caroline could do what she did then no one's immune.

Not even a Salvatore.

Stefan answers quietly, "I don't know. Too many."

Monday morning felt like it would never come. Bonnie woke up. Greeted her father. Drunk orange juice she couldn't taste, ate oatmeal she couldn't swallow.

She saw Caroline in school and she didn't avoid her. She talked without censor and walked about like nothing happened on Sunday night.

Like a bomb didn't drop through her ceiling.

Everyone was nervous, though. Elena was nervous. Caroline was nervous. Jeremy, no doubt filled in by Elena, was the only one whose steps were sure and steady.

After school, she thought that going to the Salvatore residence would be the best choice for her. Besides, she told Damon she'd talk to him on Monday.

Damon wasn't there.

But Stefan was. He'd answer her questions even if it killed him. Bonnie could appreciate that.

"How does it feel to kill someone?"

"Like relief."

Bonnie raised an eyebrow at that.

"I was relieved that I didn't have to think about anything or anyone." Stefan continued.

"I didn't know before." Bonnie spoke softly. "I was treating you and Caroline and Damon like humans, and I guess on some level you are, human I mean. But that's it. I never saw beyond that. I saw Caroline's face when she's in vampire mode but I didn't think she would hurt me. I wasn't scared at all. I should have been… I know now that I should have felt some kind of fear. But I was thinking that none of you would hurt me if you could help it."

"We won't. If I or Caroline, or...Damon, could help it, we won't," Stefan felt the need to assure her.

"But what if you can't help it?"

* * *

After her talk with Stefan, Bonnie went straight to Caroline's house.

The inevitable could not be held off. The uneasy pleasantness at school was too unnatural to go on.

Bonnie didn't think Caroline needed her forgiveness. Caroline has done nothing wrong to her.

The trembling, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," was misplaced.

Bonnie held her friend. She hugged and swayed and rocked back and forth. She consoled Caroline because it was more about Caroline feeling guilty for taking a human life than Caroline feeling guilty about keeping the truth from Bonnie.

As Caroline untangled herself from the shorter woman, she whispered another, "I'm sorry." which was followed by, "I think I got snot on your shirt."

Bonnie flashed a look of disgust.

Caroline laughed because it felt so good to know that the look had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the snot.

* * *

Friday rolls around again and everyone rolls with it.

The long and persistent sun does nothing to make the students think they should care.

It's all a mad rush to the exits. Who could leave the premises the fastest? Who could get in their car the quickest?

Damon stands at the same spot he's been at, since Monday. Day after day, he stands near his car and watch Bonnie laugh and flutter.

He hasn't done training with her. Stefan has that job. Damon makes himself scarce whenever she comes around.

He made a vow to himself and he's not going to break it.

"I thought we agreed that you'd stay away from Bonnie."

Damon doesn't have to turn around to know that it's Jeremy, once again staking claim to a girl that's not his in the first place.

"I am staying away."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"My brother's here. Elena's here. Isn't that reason enough?" Damon doesn't bother to turn around to have this tired conversation. Damon gives the kid his back.

"So you're still in love with Elena?"

Damon's attention perks up at the question. He turns around then, wanting to get a look at Jeremy's face, wanting to know where this conversation was going.

"I'm confused. You want me to stay away from Elena, too?"

"No. She can handle herself. Or Stefan will handle you for her."

"Then what's this about?" Damon snaps, quickly losing patience.

"It's about you staying away from Bonnie and me not spilling what a murdering, ruthless bastard you are."

"Tell her. I really don't care." He's lying. He cares.

But it's not like Bonnie doesn't know he's killed before. Stefan told him of their little heart-to-heart in the Salvatore library.

"You really want me to tell her you attacked her and nearly killed her? You really want me to tell her about the tomb and her grandmother? You really want me to tell her how you snapped my neck because you couldn't get your way with Elena? Or maybe you want me to tell her about the abusive shit you did to Caroline."

Jeremy was making a point that was well received. All of those things were personal. They weren't some nameless faces that had no connection to Bonnie.

"What's stopping you from telling her?" Damon asks, curious and more than a little angry.

"Bonnie sees you as a friend. I don't take pleasure in proving her wrong. But I would if it meant protecting her," Jeremy admits.

"She doesn't want you," Damon feels a need to say because the pedestal that Jeremy is standing on needs to be kicked down.

Jeremy looks away, squinting because the sun is still too for high this time of day. Squinting because he knows it's true. Bonnie doesn't want him. Not in the same way he wants her.

But she won't want Damon either if she only knew. That's what's important.

"Is there a problem here?" Elena asks, staring worriedly between Damon and her brother.

"No, no, not at all. Jeremy just likes to buff up his chest sometimes. You know how young boys are," Damon mocks.

"Damon." Elena warns.

"I'm not going to hurt him," Damon assures, the _'again' _is left unsaid.

"It's alright Elena." Jeremy says already backing away, "tell Aunt Jenna I'll be home later."

"Where are you going to be?" Elena asked, concern still etched on her face.

"With Bonnie." Jeremy smiled a real wholesome smile as he ran to catch up with some students from his history class.

Damon wanted to kill him.

* * *

It's a moot point really.

Standing on the grass with rubrum lilies in his hand. They aren't white like the one's she tried to give him. They're pink.

Girls like pink, right?

Jeremy left Bonnie's house a many hours earlier. It was all very platonic. Damon knows this. He watched every little moment between them.

Jeremy's seduction skills need work.

Damon really couldn't explain why he decided to hold vigil outside of Bonnie's house. He was bored. And a little tired. And he desperately needed a drink.

Damon fantasized about strolling into her house, dropping the flowers on her bed like she did on his birthday.

She'll be flattered, he's sure. She'll smile. She'll be grateful he gave her the time of day.

Damon steels himself, squares his shoulders and climbs inhumanly fast up her window.

It's locked. She's no dumb bunny.

The front door is locked. The back door is locked. Her father's bedroom window is locked and Damon is starting to think this is a stupid idea.

Dawn breaks, birds chirp, the trees shake with the morning breeze, the paperboy has come and gone, and for some unknowing reason (stubbornness, more likely) Damon hasn't thrown in the towel.

The flowers are only slightly wilted.

"Hey fella!"

Damon notices a balding, portly man standing on the porch across the street, waving at him with the morning paper in his hand.

"Yeah?"

"Can I help you with something? You look a little lost."

Damon is not having a good Saturday morning. His first thought is to beat the man to death with his own newspaper. Damon has done it before.

Instead, he takes a deep breath and wonders what Bonnie would do in this situation.

"I'm not lost. My friend lives here. I...have these for her." Damon says, gesturing towards the flowers.

"Did you try knocking on the door?" The man asks, adjusting his robe and slamming his front door behind him before Damon could respond.

Damon hears the man's locks click.

He walks with deliberate human slowness up Bonnie's porch. His knuckles poised on the door is as far as he gets when the door swipes open.

"Can I help you?" Mr. Bennett asks.

Damon thinks the man looks different then he did in the hospital; more royal, less suicidal, definitely more authoritative.

The entire Bennett clan thinks they're hot-shit, don't they?

"Is Bonnie around?"

"And you are?"

"Damon Salvatore."

Mr. Bennett considers for a moment and looks at the flowers in Damon's hand, "Alright, wait here."

Damon thinks he doesn't have to wait. He could walk right in if he wanted to. It's not like Bonnie couldn't revoke his invitation, even if she wanted to.

Damon waits anyway.

Bonnie seems to drag herself to the door with messy hair, tired eyes and pajamas that do nothing for her figure.

Damon thinks she's beautiful.

Damon tells his brain to shut up.

"Hi," is all Damon says out loud.

"Hi. Is this payback for your birthday?," Bonnie's voice sounds scratchy from disuse.

Damon is reminded of the way she sounded when she came out of a coma: '_Where am I?_', she had asked.

"These are for you." Damon hands her the flowers, ignoring her previous question.

Bonnie's tired eyes brighten, "These are beautiful."

Damon had a speech prepared. It was trè smooth, very cavalier.

What comes out instead is a jumble of nerves, frustration, and maybe a little desire: "Today we're going to practice and tomorrow we're going to practice, and I might help you with your homework and we might go shopping for better sleepwear. Definitely something sexier. I'll see you at 1pm."

Bonnie says "Okay" to empty air because Damon is already to his car in a matter of seconds.

Damon doesn't need to hear her response because he knows she'll agree. There's nothing to disagree with.

He fiddles with the radio as he drives home and thinks that this isn't the first vow to himself that he's broken.

To hell with Jeremy Gilbert.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: To readers, my paltry words of "thank you" is not nearly enough but it is what I offer you sincerely.**

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_Relief is a bottle of cold water that's dumped on you at the right moment._

**Chapter Eight**

Bonnie's t-shirt clung to her skin. She was parched, in dire need of anything to moisten the dryness of her throat.

"You do know," Bonnie said between puffs of air, "that Wii Tennis isn't practice."

"Of course it's practice. Eye-Body coordination. And why are you breathing so hard? I thought you were practicing with Stefan. You shouldn't be this out of shape." Damon was jesting, of course.

Bonnie was far from being out of shape.

Damon lounged on his bed: a picture of leisure and poise, while Bonnie hopped around, a pale electronic tennis racket in her hand.

"I don't need coordination. I can do stuff with my mind, if you've forgotten. And my practice with Stefan wasn't as physical but it was useful," Bonnie states, irrationally defensive for some reason.

"What did you do together? Talk?" Damon says it like it's the most distasteful idea he's ever heard.

"Well. Yes, yes, we talked but we did other things like...I did that exploding brain thing."

"Right. Did he let you set him on fire?" Damon asked. Part of him would be a little offended if Stefan did. The fire thing was something Damon and Bonnie did together.

"No, but I'm sure he would have."

It didn't escape Bonnie that this was the first time she dwelt within Damon's bedroom for any extended period of time. She caught a glimpse of his room on his birthday but she was too occupied with her task of handing him flowers to take a good look around.

Usually, their practice took place at Bonnie's home but a change of scenery was nice.

She supposed the room was lovely, definitely aesthetically pleasing. Although, it looked a little too perfect and coiffed, if there was such a thing.

She guessed his bed sheets to be a strong, dark color - unmistakably masculine. But they were white, shockingly so. Pure and virginal, something Damon probably hasn't seen in such a long time.

"Why were you looking for me?" Bonnie asked suddenly.

They didn't talk about it on Saturday after their somewhat impromptu reunion. Damon wanted to keep his distance for reasons Bonnie couldn't understand, but she wouldn't push.

Not yet, anyway.

"No big deal. Just wanted to keep tabs on the resident witch. We've got a town to protect." Damon pats himself on the back inwardly. Not bad, a little bit of a lie mixed with the truth.

"That's not how Elena made it seem. Or Caroline for that matter."

Damon's nonchalance didn't seem to work on Bonnie. If you didn't care, she'll make you care.

Damon tries a different tone, hoping to sound coy and curious, "Why did you think I wanted to find you?"

Bonnie instantly had a reason in mind but she pretended to think. she knew that they may be broaching a topic that made Damon prickly. "Jeremy. You wanted to find me because I was with Jeremy."

Damon is stunned to the core, inside where no one could see his guts twisting or the heart that gave up beating a long time ago suddenly picking up an erratic rhythm.

His face was a blank slate, on the other hand. His face, he could still control.

Bonnie holds up a hand, "I know how it looked but it really was platonic. I'm not trying to lead him on or anything. I know Elena was probably freaking out that I would somehow confuse Jeremy or make him think that he had a chance. But Elena doesn't have to worry; Jeremy and I have an understanding."

"What?," is all Damon says because he can't follow where this conversation has gone.

"You wanted to look out for Jeremy because of Elena. Because you love her."

It dawns on Damon that he's being accused of doing a completely selfless act. It burns a little, this good deed that Bonnie is placing upon him. It feels like an uncomfortable itch under his skin.

"That's not why I - "

"Yes it is. You were trying to score brownie points. I can't say I'm mad at you. That's what I like about you Damon, you see an impossible situation and you still hope for the best."

If any other person were to tell him this, he would have been insulted. Being with Elena was an impossible situation, indeed, but to lay it all out like that with Damon is unheard of. Even Stefan tip-toes around the obvious.

Bonnie's uncensored and daunting talk would have guaranteed injury or death for anyone else.

Damon didn't want to punch Bonnie in the face, which meant his fondness for the young witch was worse than he thought.

"Can we talk about your underwear now?" Distraction was the best weapon he's ever used against a woman.

"What about my underwear?" Bonnie knew she should be aghast at Damon's change in topic but she understood that Elena was a touchy subject for him.

If it made Damon feel better to discuss undergarments than so be it.

Friends exist for these asinine reasons, yes?

"I'm sure they're lovely but that flannel nightmare you were wearing Saturday morning almost made me upchuck." Damon jumps up from the bed, as quickly as the thought that just ran threw his mind, "Let's go shopping."

"Are you serious? " Bonnie asks incredulously, placing the tennis racket carefully next to the Wii console. "I still have to finish my history paper."

"Give it to Elena and Elena will give it to Stefan. Problem solved."

"Stefan doesn't do Elena's homework... does he?"

* * *

The Mall in Mystic Falls was reminiscent of many other malls with big business behind its funding. There was nothing but stores promising safe, and sensible shopping.

That is until you read fine print on the store's credit card, or you get mugged while putting your purchases in your car.

Safe and sensible indeed.

Damon stared at the 'Victoria Secret' label branding every single thing in the lingerie store. He watched the desperate sales girls prodding every woman (or man) who walked into the store.

Bonnie looked uncomfortable, adorably so.

It's not like Bonnie has never shopped at the store before, or any other lingerie shop for that matter. The difference is that she is sure she never bought lingerie with Damon Salvatore watching her every move.

"That is too boring. The red one's more...adventurous."

"I don't want adventurous. I just want decent underwear."

"Are you a virgin?" Damon asked, making several potential customers whip their heads towards Bonnie's direction.

"What kind of a question is that?," Bonnie would have screeched the words if she didn't think it would bring more embarrassment her way.

"I'm curious," Damon responded, fingers brushing over silky fabric, "Are you a virgin, yes or no?"

"I am not answering that," Bonnie promptly leaves the silk thong display table and feigns immense interest in bras.

Bras were neutral ground.

"Elena and Caroline know," Damon's breath tickles her ear and Bonnie is all too aware of the zipper of Damon's leather jacket pressing against her, one long line of metal teeth from her shoulder blade to the tops of her jeans.

"That's different. They are my friends."

"I'm your friend."

"Yes, but you are a man."

"That's so sexist. Just because I'm not a woman doesn't mean I can't be considerate enough to discuss sex in a mature and respectful manner."

Bonnie whirled around to face Damon, "Do you believe anything you just said?"

"No. But it sounded good."

Bonnie scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Are you going to tell me anything about your sex life?"

Damon smiles a wiry smile and Bonnie is sure she's never seen such an innocent look on Damon's face, "What do you want to know?"

Bonnie pauses to consider the question. Damon looks like he really would tell her anything she wanted to know but Bonnie wasn't really interested in hearing about his sex life.

"I'm not a virgin," is what Bonnie says instead.

Damon frowns because he should have been able to tell just by looking at her that she has ridden the hobby horse at least once in her life. But she seemed undefiled.

"You look surprised, although truthfully I can't tell. Is that constipated look on your face supposed to be surprise."

"You just don't look like you've done anything with anyone."

"I'll take that as a compliment. I think."

Damon busied himself gazing at assorted bras, molding his hands around the cups.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. I had a memory," Bonnie says it as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

The bra drops from Damon's hand as if he never held it at all. He stands stock still, a woman bumps into him without excusing herself and he doesn't even notice.

"There was some guy, really good looking. He was bound to a chair with chains, you know, it looked serious. You thanked me. I don't know what I did, I don't know if I helped you, but you thanked me."

Damon felt a blinding pain behind his eyes and he wondered if it was Bonnie doing her damage.

But, no. The young witch stood in front of him, loose and amused.

"I finally rendered the great Damon Salvatore speechless."

* * *

"I don't see it," Elena called to Bonnie, her back turned rummaging through the pens, the papers, the half empty perfume bottles.

Bonnie exited her bathroom, "try looking in the drawer."

"You put your lipstick in drawers?" Elena and Bonnie were getting ready for their girls' night out to celebrate Caroline's birthday.

As soon as Bonnie and Elena were ready, they would pick Caroline up and take her some place fancy.

The kind of place where fish eggs were considered food.

Bonnie wore a thin-strapped wine colored dress belted around her waist, hem at the middle of her thighs; her hair down around her face and shoulders.

Elena wore a sleeveless teal dress, bellowing at the hips, hem above her knees; her hair up, tendrils whisping across her face.

Their shoes were reasonably lengthened heels.

Elena follows Bonnie's suggestion and opened the first draw. Her hand swipes through the usual: soft cotton underwear, safe candy coated colors. Elena starts when she encounters red lace, completely out of place with the rest.

"Bon, what is this?," Elena asks, wonderment clear in her voice, an outstretched hand holding the red teddy.

Bonnie grabs the offending garment, "It's nothing. Just Damon's idea of a joke."

"Damon?"

"Yeah. If you haven't noticed, he's not like regular boys."

Elena clears her throat, fails to keep the concerned look of her face, "You and Damon are friends." Elena says it like a statement, as if she couldn't believe it's the truth.

"Although, I'm starting to really, really get the idea that it wasn't always like that," Bonnie responds. "He really couldn't have been that much of a bastard, could he?"

Elena doesn't answer right away. Having to tell Bonnie the things Damon was responsible for would mean Elena would have to explain the reasons she still allowed him in her life. It wasn't enough that Damon was Stefan's brother.

Elena cared about Damon despite everything.

"He's in love with you." Bonnie states, the words feeling rough against her tongue.

Elena knows that Damon has wanted her in ways he shouldn't. She felt heavy under the weight of his desire.

But things have changed. There's none of the same heat in his eyes, at least when he looks at Elena.

"He told you that?" Elena asked quietly.

"Yeah. He, uh, he's really into you. Lucky girl. Two Salvatore brothers."

"Bonnie, I love -"

"Yeah, I know. Everyone knows how much you love Stefan. He is your everything. And you are his everything." Bonnie placates Elena, not wanting her friend to feel the need to get defensive.

"What does it feel like?" Bonnie asks after a moment of silence.

"What?"

"To not be able to breath without that one person in your life?"

* * *

"Stop that!" Bonnie urged, slapping at Damon's hand.

"Come on, no one's going to notice. It's dark. It's loud. No one sees what we're doing."

"Correction: No one see's what you're doing. Stop throwing popcorn at them."

"They barely notice, with their tongue down each others throats and all."

Bonnie wanted to do something blissfully normal like go to a movie. She just wanted to sit in still darkness for one afternoon and escape.

She shouldn't have allowed Damon to go with her.

The movie was a standard romantic comedy, the female lead being Jennifer Aniston. Or was it Kate Hudson?

Bonnie couldn't be bothered to pay attention. She was too focused on not being thrown out of the movie theater.

"What are you so nervous about?" Damon takes a long look at Bonnie's face. He makes out her lovely profile in the shadows.

"I just want to enjoy the movie," Bonnie nearly groaned.

"This movie sucks and its far from realistic."

"It's not supposed to be realistic. It's all fantasy, you know, it's what happens in your ideal vision."

"This is your ideal, having some guy chase you around?" Damon opts to throw popcorn at Bonnie instead of the frisky couple seated in front if them.

"I'm going to hurt you if you do that again," Bonnie threatened.

"I love it when you push me around."

Bonnie opened her mouth to respond when a voice called out - "Bonnie?"

She froze, as if she had been caught red handed.

"I was trying to figure out if that was you but I didn't want to walk up to a complete strange just in case it wasn't you," Jenna practically beamed.

"What are you doing here?" Bonnie asked.

"I've wanted to see this movie for the longest. Oh, Hi Damon!"

"Shush!" exclaimed a women sitting in the aisle seat.

A burly man joined in agreement, "Yeah we're trying to watch the movie."

Jenna didn't look put off at all. She continued to talk because she had this rebellious streak a mile wide and hell if anybody was going to tell her what to do.

"So, are you guys on a date, or something?"

"No!" Damon and Bonnie appeared to answer in unison.

In truth, Damon may have shrugged his shoulders and gave a half nod that could have meant anything. Bonnie exclaimed, "Oh God, no!" as if it was the worst idea she's ever heard.

"We're just friends Jenna."

Jenna nodded like she understood, "Friends."

* * *

"When did you lose your virginity?" Sometimes, Damon would pick up from a conversation that took place days ago.

Bonnie's beginning to feel like most of her young adult life is spent at Mystic Grill. There's nothing to do any place else, she supposed.

"Does it matter?"

"Not particularly. Did you enjoy it?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"I don't know. It just seems you weren't really affected by it."

Bonnie is beginning to think that Damon has no idea what he's talking about.

"Yes, well, by affect you mean I should walk around behaving like a nymphomaniac."

"Something like that. The first time I kissed a girl after I was turned was pretty awkward. My teeth kept getting in the way and I felt like I wanted to gnaw her face off."

Bonnie blinked slowly, "How romantic."

"Can you believe that I wasn't always this cool? There were moments early on were Stefan was actually more of a bad ass then I was. Those days are long over." Damon switches the bourbon he has sipped from with Bonnie iced tea, sitting the alcoholic drink in front of her, wetness from the glass trailing the short distance over the wood.

The bartender didn't bat an eyelash.

Bonnie drinks the bourbon and barely grimaces.

Damon's very proud.

"What do you think of Jeremy's new girlfriend?" Damon leaned in, asking as if he were sharing some huge secret.

Bonnie spares a glance towards the back of the room where she sees Jeremy laughing softly, a pool stick in one hand, a pretty brunette under the other arm.

"It didn't take him long." Damon comments, snorting into the drink in his hand. He sips Bonnie's iced tea, a frown contorting his face, "How can you drink this stuff? "

"I think your palate is broken, Damon. You only drink things that are flammable."

"I thought the Gilbert kind was so in love with you," Damon harps on the previous issue.

"It's not like Jeremy can wait for me forever. I'm glad he's found someone."

"You sound like you mean that."

"I do. He deserves someone who cares about him, someone who can return his feelings."

" He's only doing it to make you jealous, you know. He keeps looking over here, seeing if you're looking at him."

In Damon's opinion, Jeremy was a peculiar boy. Jeremy has had plenty of chances to tell Bonnie the truth about Damon. But he hasn't.

Which mean's Jeremy's up to something.

"You know the male teenage mind so well," Bonnie laughs and bumps her shoulder against Damon's solid frame.

"You'd be surprise to know what a man would do to get a woman when he's desperate."

"What about you?," Bonnie asks gently, "You haven't done anything to ruin Stefan's relationship with Elena."

"I ruin Stefan's life just by existing."

"You don't mean that."

Damon lifts an eyebrow at the challenge.

"I'm sure you've had some problems but one of these days you are going to need you brother and if you push him away he's not going to be there for you," Bonnie assures.

Damon scoffs, "Too late for that."

"Hey," Bonnie reaches over to cover Damon's lukewarm hand with her warm one. "Stefan loves you. Elena loves you in her own way. There are people who care about you. I care about you."

Damon doesn't think too hard about the things Bonnie just said to him. He turns her hand, palm facing upward and presses his fingers into the bottom of her thumb where long life lines run deep.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: If you took the time to read, review, or subscribe to any one of my stories, I am deeply thankful.**

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_Giving into one's baser needs is the first act of bravery._

**Chapter 9**

Katherine gave a full-framed stretch from where she laid. Although absent of heat from a warm body, Damon's bed was still so comfortable.

He won't be surprised to find her nude in his bed when he returned from his shower. He is used to her antics.

Katherine has grown tired of being denied. Damon's played his game long enough. She's been truthful with him up to a point. She's sat on her hands like a good girl. She hasn't killed anyone in months. Surely she should get some kind of a reward.

Katherine wasn't in love with Damon but that shouldn't prevent two extremely attractive people from having amazing sex.

Damon was much too romantic for Katherine's liking.

While Katherine's in the middle of a thought, Bonnie barges into Damon's room as if she owned the place.

Katherine shrieks (although she'll deny that she made such a sound), and pulls the bedcovering over her naked breast.

"Oh. Katherine, right?" Bonnie looks around, unaffected by Katherine's presence, "Where's Damon?"

"He's in the shower." Katherine responds with a dignity she doesn't possess.

"I just came to return this book. Tell him I'll talk to him later." Bonnie lays the book down on the dresser near the bed.

Katherine gains her bearings, "Sweetie, Bonnie, is it? I'm not your personal messenger service. What are you doing here anyway?"

A look that resembles annoyance flashes across Bonnie's face. "I could ask you the same thing. Everyone knows that Damon's not putting out. At least not to you."

There's a flash and Katherine is suddenly in front of Bonnie. Bonnie doesn't flinch. She's used to how quickly vampires move.

Katherine stands there, unperturbed by her own nakedness, "What happen to you? Where did your intelligence go? When you first met me you were so afraid. Now, you're just stupid."

"Here is the part where you threaten bodily harm. What's that phrase? Something about snapping me like a twig."

"I can."

"I'm sure. But see, everyone's running scared in this town, including you. I wouldn't piss off the only witch within a twenty mile radius."

"Or you'll what? Your parlor tricks don't hurt me."

"Katherine." Damon warns.

He was enjoying the wonderfully hot spray of water before he heard women's voices.

Damon stood in the doorway, towel wrapped dangerously low around his waist, body still slick from his shower.

"She ruined my surprise for you," Katherine states, hands on her hips.

Bonnie interjects, "I really don't know how any of you could mistake this... _thing_ for Elena."

Katherine releases a guttural snarl, jaw unhinged and veins crawling around her eyes. Bonnie blinks and Damon is standing between the two women.

"Katherine, I made myself clear last time." Damon slowly sweeps his eyes along Katherine's body, "I'm not interested."

"Suit yourself," Katherine saunters out of the room not bothering to clothe herself.

Stefan is going to get a surprise with his breakfast.

Bonnie gives a tight grin at Katherine's departure. "She's precious; just like vicious pit-bull."

"What are you doing here? We are supposed to meet up later." Damon desperately wants to pinch the bridge of his nose in wariness.

Typical. You hang around humans long enough and you start to behave like them.

"Actually, no. You are going to come up with some reason why I won't be seeing you today."

"Why?"

"My dad wants you to have dinner with us. Tonight."

"Your father. Wants me. To have dinner. With you. And him." Damon is aware of how fragmented he sounds but he can't think of anything witty to say.

"I know, it's strange. Something about he talked to Jenna and then he said the neighbors saw you...I don't know. But I'll think of something to spare you."

"No you won't. What time is dinner?"

"You can't be serious."

"I am. What time?"

"Around seven."

"I'll be there 6:59."

* * *

Damon was at the Bennett residence at 6:50. He refused to make a big deal out of this whole thing.

It's impolite not to bring a gift when you go to a dinner at someone's house. He brings flowers and red wine.

It's no big deal.

Bonnie's father doesn't make it a secret that he's deeply suspicious of Damon. There's something about him that makes his hackles rise, the hair stand up on the back of his neck.

"I've met most of Bonnie's friends but I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you. I understand your brother goes to the same high school as my daughter, and he dates Elena, isn't that right?"

"Yes that's right." Is Damon supposed to call him Sir?

"You look a little too old to be in high school."

"Daddy!" Bonnie admonishes.

Mr. Bennett ignores his daughter, "Are you in college?"

"No, no. The university lifestyle never appealed to me." Damon answers.

"What do you do for a living?," Mr. Bennett asks.

Bonnie signs heavily into her spaghetti.

This was going to be a long night.

Strangely enough most people don't ask Damon that question. His career, his hobbies; those things don't matter to the people he knows.

"I'm not working right now," That's the best answer Damon could give.

"Well, then how do you support yourself?"

"As you may know the Salvatore family is very wealthy. With so few of us, my brother and I are the sole beneficiaries."

"Yes, the Salvatores. I've heard they had a rich history. Didn't your family used to own plantations?"

Bonnie chokes on spaghetti sauce.

After dinner, Mr. Bennett did not indicate whether he wanted their special guest to stay, so Bonnie took the initiative to walk Damon to the front door.

"That was... interesting."

"I'm so sorry. My father isn't usually this abrasive. But I commend you for not doing anything awful.

"What did you think I would do? I do know how to behave myself. Sometimes."

"Yeah. Sometimes, you definitely do." Bonnie replies with a smile.

* * *

On the afternoon before her birthday, Bonnie shares a secret.

"Tyler Lockwood." Bonnie says, as if Damon is supposed to know what she's referring to.

"What?"

"You asked who I lost my virginity to. It was Tyler Lockwood. When we were all normal," Bonnie says as an afterthought.

Damon sat down on her bed slowly. He wasn't sure he was ever going to be let in the house again after the dinner fiasco but Bonnie saw to it that Damon could continue to stop by at any time. (As long as it was deemed appropriate by Mr. Bennett).

"Elena was with Matt, and me and Tyler thought it would be easier to just become part of the gang." Bonnie spoke with a sad reverence.

A look similar to regret and ruefulness settled on her face, and Damon instantly recognized it.

"You don't have to be ashamed."

"I'm not...I just wish it was with someone else. Maybe." Bonnie looks down not wanting to continue the conversation eye to eye, "He treated me good, though. Tyler was really nice to me. He just didn't know how to deal with emotions. His father wasn't all that nice, from what I could tell. It only happened a few times anyway so it doesn't matter."

Damon gets it now: Bonnie's one of those girls that equates sex with feelings.

"Did you love Tyler?" Damon asked, jaw tense.

Damon was sort of glad Tyler left town because it would save him the trouble of ripping his heart out.

"No."

"And that's what bothers you," Damon guessed.

Bonnie just stares. She doesn't confirm or deny.

Damon wants to lighten to mood but he doesn't know how.

Damon tells her something personal because he realizes Bonnie didn't have to share with him. She could have kept all of her secrets to herself.

"Sometimes, I think about my mother; about whether she would have loved me better than my father."

Bonnie can't form a response. She knows Giuseppe Salvatore must have been a hard man to live with.

She unfolds her legs and leans over the pillow in her lap.

She presses a kiss to Damon's cheek. He can barely feel her lips, it's soft warm air and a brush of skin.

* * *

Bonnie is a heavy sleeper.

Damon had climbed through her window five minutes ago and she didn't stir.

She looked so young, so fresh and full of this inescapable hope that he wanted to hold and keep for himself.

"You do know I've been awake all this time, don't you?" Bonnie asked with her eyes still closed.

"Why did you pretend to be asleep?"

Bonnie smiled, her eyes flying open, her spry form jumping out of bed.

The thin strap of her camisole slid down her should and the already diminutive length of her shorts rode higher.

Damon thinks he should leave her bedroom.

Fortunately, he stopped listening to his brain a long time ago.

"What are you holding behind your back?" Bonnie asks with a knowing smile.

"Well since it's your birthday, I thought maybe you'd want this."

Damon held a small red velvet cup cake in his hand with a single candle stuck in the middle.

"How did you know this was my favorite flavor?" Bonnie asks, already taking the yummy treat out of his hand.

"Elena may have mentioned something." Although Damon couldn't really tell what Elena said because her head was buried against Stefan's chest.

Elena and Stefan can be so cranky in the morning.

"I didn't peg you for a morning person." Bonnie responds, beginning to lick the frosting from the cup cake.

"I'm not. But it was a special occasion."

"Did my father see you?"

"I don't think so. He hasn't come to rescue you yet so I assume that I am safe."

"Thank you, Damon. You're a great friend."

Damon has always been impulsive. He does things on a whim because that's the only way to do them.

"I have another present for you."

"Really?"

"Put down the cupcake and close your eyes."

Bonnie does as she is told, her mind racing as to what will come next.

Damon takes her face in both of his hands and he can feel how the skin on skin contact startles her. Bonnie keeps her eyes closed and he doesn't know if it's because she's anticipated what he's going to do or if she's still curious.

Damon presses his lips to hers.

It's slow. Slower than he can remember kissing anyone.

He can't resist running the tip of his tongue against her bottom lip. Other than that, he keeps it innocent.

Almost.

Damon can feel the moment she responds to the kiss: her back straightens and she grabs the back of his neck with her hand, rubbing through the hair at the nape, not to deepen the kiss, but to press closer, to keep him right where he is.

He keeps his mouth over hers, an unhurried push and pull of mouths.

The kiss ends with a wet little click from their parting lips.

Damon steps away from her but thinks the better of it to press another, chaster kiss against her face.

"Happy birthday," is all Damon says because he doesn't realize his life has changed.

"Happy birthday to me." Bonnie responds a little in awe.

"Are we still friends?" Damon asks because for some reason it's important to him.

"Of course, silly," Bonnie says, smacking his arm, "what's a kiss between friends?"

* * *

It's Elena idea to throw a birthday party with the Salvatore boardinghouse as the location.

She invites everyone. Some of the people, Bonnie doesn't even know.

The nurses from the hospital Bonnie was in attend: they smile and chuckle; they knew Bonnie would pull through.

Wherever Bonnie goes, Damon is close behind, arm thrown around her shoulders, pressing his lips against her ear to make a joke he doesn't want anybody else to hear.

Sometimes he gets a wonderful, liberated laugh. Other times he gets an elbow to the ribs.

The only brief respite Bonnie gets from Damon's all consuming company is when she goes into one of the studies.

"I guess I can give you your present now, without your guard dog around," Jeremy jokes.

Bonnie turns to face Jeremy, bright smile on her face. She takes the package from Jeremy's hands, and holds on tightly.

Jeremy turns to go, but Bonnie stops him with a hand on his broad shoulder. "Hey, we haven't had any chance to talk."

Jeremy smiles bitterly, "There's nothing to talk about. You and him, huh? I wouldn't have guessed." Jeremy says like that's exactly what he'd guessed.

He had such a pained expression on his face, so full of hurt and anger.

"Damon and I are not a couple. We're just friends."

"What planet do you live on?," Jeremy explodes.

"Jeremy!"

"Seriously. Damon is so close to stamping the word MINE on your forehead. How can you not see that?"

"Is everything okay here?" Stefan stands in the doorway to the study, his face easy, relaxed which means that he's anything but.

Stefan liked Jeremy, he cared about him. He understood how hard it must be to see Bonnie and know that she doesn't remember what she and Jeremy shared.

"Yeah, everything is fine." Jeremy stares at Bonnie while he says it.

"Bonnie?" Stefan questions, wanting to hear her opinion of the matter.

"It's fine. Jeremy, we should talk."

"No, not right now. I don't want to ruin your night. Just... open your gift. I'll talk to you some other time."

Jeremy turns to walk out of the room, Stefan causally stepping out of his way.

"You should tell your brother to watch his back," Jeremy says all the heat and anger directed towards Damon and not the Salvatore in front of him.

"Are you okay?" Stefan asked once Jeremy was out of the room.

"I'm good. Everything is perfect tonight."

"Jeremy will be fine," Stefan assures because he can see how worried she is.

"I hope so." Bonnie looks around the room.

"I'm remembering things," she says after a moment.

"Like what?" Stefan asked curiously.

"Small things. Nothing with any context to them."

"Does Damon know?"

"I shared some things but some stuff seems so ridiculous to share if I don't know what the memories are connected to, if I don't know what the larger picture is."

"Damon really cares about you" Stefan suddenly states.

"I know. I care about him too."

Stefan's face breaks into a grin that he quickly reigns in when he see the confused look on Bonnie's face. "I mean, he really, really cares about you."

Bonnie scoffs, "You guys speak some language that I will never understand."

Damon cleans the garbage left behind after the party and commissions Alaric's help.

Stefan is off somewhere wrapped around Elena like he's her favorite blanket.

"Bonnie Bennett, really? I have to say I'm a little surprised, but she is a good catch. Is it strange for me to talk about my students this way?" Alaric asks, a crushed paper cup in his hand.

"What are you talking about?" Damon's too preoccupied with moving garbage bags with cake frosted paper plates in them.

Alaric stops what he's doing, to carefully consider his friend. "Oh man, you are in deep."

"Ric, you really need to stop drinking. There are AA meetings all over the place now."

"Another problem for another day." Alaric jokes. "Seriously, the look written all over your face tonight is the same one I had when I fell in love with Isobel. You've changed."

"Nothing's changed. The end-game is the same."

"Which is?"

"Kill Klaus, get rid of Katherine, save Elena."

"Save Elena?"

"That's what I said. Save Elena."

"What happened to getting Elena? Getting Elena and having her to yourself. What happened to that plan?"

Damon didn't have a well formed response, "Shut up."

Alaric beams, "Shut up? Is that it? The Damon I knew before would have threatened to rearrange my kidneys." Alaric puts a hand on Damon's shoulder, "You're growing up."

Damon never felt more terrified in his life.

* * *

**A/N: A reviewer asked how long this story will be. There are 4 to 5 chapters left... I think.**


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: I would like to take the opportunity to thank every single person whose read my writing and didn't think it was complete crap. **

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* * *

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_Fear gets you closer to the truth than anything else does._

**Chapter 10**

Feelings are unbearable. It's like an archaic decent into madness.

Damon tries to block it out: this rising claw tearing at his sanity and tearing at everything he believed as the truth in the process.

There are some things that Damon holds on to like nothing else in the world.

Like Stefan Salvatore is his brother.

Like there's nothing more satisfying to Damon than a fresh kill.

It's constant and consistent,

How do you stop falling face first?

His time used to click by; very slowly, so slowly because he had all the time in the world. Every day was a new day and everyday meant finding something to live for.

Waste almost two centuries of a life looking for a woman who never loved you in the first place.

Waste a year and a half of a life being in love with a woman who see's you as a charity case.

Waste several months of a life on a losing battle.

When Damon goes to the Gilbert residence, he has the distinct idea in his mind. He will conform to his past; he will try not to make his life any more complicated than it already is.

He sits on Elena's bed and he listens to her nighttime ritual. He listens to her brushing her teeth. He listens to the running water. He listens to her soft humming.

Damon sits there and tries to fall in love with Elena again.

The soft click of the bathroom door signals Elena's presence in the room.

Damon can see it on her face: he can tell that Elena thought it would be Stefan in the room waiting for her.

"I wasn't expecting you," Elena says unnecessarily.

"I wanted to talk," Damon knows how this all seems to Elena.

A repeat of history. Except Jeremy is out of the house and Aunt Jenna is nowhere to be found.

Elena will have to bear the brunt of Damon's whims.

"Have you been drinking?"

Damon lifts his head to Elena's question. He wonders when it was that he became so predictable.

"Do you know how much I used to want you?" Damon asks, squinting like the idea was difficult to form.

The past tense of his statement didn't escape Elena attention. "Damon, I ―"

"You don't have to be sorry about it. It's not like you could help it," Damon reasons.

Elena stood between her bed and the bathroom door.

She wanted to be Damon's friend but sometimes he unloaded so much on her that it was simply overwhelming.

"What's wrong?" Elena can't know how to help Damon if she doesn't know the problem.

"What are you going to do? You're going to make me feel better? You're going to hug my pain away?" Damon sneers.

"Damon, Please. Whatever it is let me help you."

"I'm going to tell Bonnie the truth." Damon states, testing the words, saying them out loud.

"Do you want me to―"

"No. I don't want you to do anything." Damon responds, standing up and already making his way to the window.

Damon stops in front of the pane, the only view is an old tree that's branches scrape against the glass. "What do you think she's going to say?"

"I don't know," Elena answers honestly.

"I think about her...all of the time." It's hushed, the way Damon says, words too naked for his own ears.

Elena turns away, then. She faces the vanity dresser, the mirror revealing an awe-struck expression on her face.

What Damon wants to talk about is too private, and for once, doesn't involve Elena.

When Elena gets the right words in her head, Damon has left, window wide open.

"Bonnie thinks about you, too." Elena says to empty air.

She calls Stefan because it's the thing she's wanted to do the most since walking in to see Damon sitting on her bed.

* * *

He doesn't go straight to Bonnie's.

He walks around because above anything else, he needed to be sober.

It's truly, deeply late in the space between night and morning when Damon decides to swallow what pride he has left.

He climb's through Bonnie's bedroom window and picks a fight with the things that surround him, include himself.

How can she leave the window open as if she expecting him?

Doesn't she know that there are people like him who take advantage of people like her?

Damon stares at her face and Irrational anger sweeps over him; since when is he such a fucking creeper?

He looks at her and he's half expecting that she's going to wake up to catch him standing over her, hand out-reached as if to touch her.

"You don't know who I am?" Damon says.

Her eyelashes flutter as if she's heard him.

Damon places a hand on Bonnie's shoulder, a mix between a grab and a hold until the touch awakens her.

Bonnie tenses at first, her body tells her to be wary.

Something dangerous is in her room, and she should be careful.

She opens her eyes and a sleep blurred Damon comes into view. Bonnie frowns because her body should have calmed down by now.

It doesn't. Her pulse picks up like a drum.

'Relax,' she tells herself, 'It's just Damon."

Bonnie sits up in her bed, struggling slightly under the firm weight of Damon's hand on her shoulder.

"Has something happened?" is the first thing Bonnie says.

Damon doesn't respond, his hand sliding from her shoulder to her arm, and back again.

The grip is not as tight, and Bonnie's not as nervous.

"What's wrong?" Bonnie asks.

He laughs drily because Elena asked him that same question tonight.

Great minds just might think alike.

"How are you going to fix it for me, if something's wrong?" When Damon asked a similar question to Elena, it was accusatory, nothing of the flirtation the inquiry has become now.

"What would you like me to do?" Bonnie matches her tone to his tone.

"Would you kiss it better for me?" Damon didn't come here for this, yet it's what he wanted most.

Damon never sticks to his own plans. He makes these elaborate strategies that he never follows through with.

Bonnie giggles uneasily because he seemed dead serious about the suggestion. She ducks her chin, eyes meeting somewhere between his neck and clavicle.

"I see your sense of humor has returned."

"I wasn't joking."

Bonnie panics. An unknown force tells her to tread carefully. Something could be ruined by saying the wrong thing, "We are friends and I don't want to complicate anything. Jeremy said ―"

Damon reacts as if he'd just been burned, his movement off of the bed is so fast and abrupt that Bonnie doesn't finish her statement.

"What did Jeremy say?" It's comes out like a grind between Damon's teeth.

Bonnie realizes that this is what Damon sounds like when he's angry.

"It's not just Jeremy, it's everyone, and it's you. You are in love with my best friend. I would be stupid to act on any feelings. Sometimes, I feel like Jeremy, liking someone who doesn't feel the same..." Bonnie trials off.

Bonnie rubs her fingers over her face, the forehead, the cheeks, the imaginary shadows under her eyes."Oh, boy. This is awkward. Right? Awkward."

Damon stays plastered to the wall, hands clenching and unclenching.

"Since we're", Bonnie begins, deciding to jump in to the metaphorical sea. "I know you've done things that I'd hate if I knew, and you're older than me, and you have these experiences that I will probably never have. You have these problems that I can never understand. But I can't stop wanting to be with you."

Bonnie continues because the silence is suffocating, "A guy from my science classed asked me out, and I said no."

Bonnie stares at a spot on the wall and repeats, "I said no."

Bonnie finishes, and lays flat on her back, pretending that Damon in the corner of her bedroom is just a mirage.

The sudden breeze from the window let's her know he's left the room.

* * *

"I should have just kept my mouth shut," Bonnie slams her locker shut on the last word, "I just kept talking like an idiot."

"Did he say anything else?," Elena asks, slightly unbelieving of Bonnie's version of events.

"I think I scared him off."

On the rare occasion that the youths of Mystic Falls decide to attend school, Bonnie never thought she would find herself in such a typical high school drama. She felt young and foolish.

Just like any teenager would.

Elena wound her arm through her friend's to provide comfort. "Damon doesn't like talking about his feelings."

Bonnie brought the notebook in her hands non too gently against her forehead, "What am I going to do? I can't face him. This is so embarrassing."

"He'll get over it," Elena said helpfully.

* * *

Damon pressed his clothed body against Katherine nude one, only the sheets separating their forms.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Katherine asks, her body already responding to Damon's.

Damon woke up with a new mindset.

Bonnie wasn't the right woman for him. He enjoys killing too much, and she's too judgmental.

It would never work.

He nearly ruined her life, she used to threaten that she'd end his. Before the accident, everything made sense.

"I've made the decision that I really don't care that you're an evil bitch."

Katherine giggled like she won something.

Damon thrusts his leg between her thighs, the sheets and his knee against her flesh.

"God, you're so easy," Katherine planted her hand against his face and shoved.

"What the hell!" Damon exclaims from where he lands on the floor, smarting from injury and humiliation.

"I could see if you were still harboring a sad and pathetic undying love for me or even some twisted need to pretend I'm Elena but you're trying to seduce me because of some third rate witch. You've got to be kidding me."

"I'm not-I'm...I love you," Damon proclaims, an edge of desperation in his voice.

"Right? And I'm the Pope. I was enjoying a lovely dream about Stefan licking whipped cream off my stomach until I was so rudely awakened."

Katherine catches the defeated, brow-beaten look on Damon's face. She supposes she could give the poor lost boy some words of wisdom, "Whatever you've done, she'll forgive you. Sure, you're a dumb ass on occasion but you mean well...I guess."

Katherine Pierce has given him advice.

Damon realizes that he's hit rock bottom.

* * *

Bonnie opens the door of her bedroom, dropping her bag on the floor, not really caring if she tripped on it at some point.

She has homework: Math. English. History.

Bonnie vowed not to do any of it until the last minute.

She pulled her t-shirt off, trading it for a blouse that's sexier, more form-fitting. She's going to meet Caroline at the Grill, eat French fries till her stomach bursts, flirt with a cute guy, and come home to watch late night B-movies.

Friday night special at its best.

"Here's the thing," Damon's voice startles Bonnie so badly, she plants herself against the wall and thinks of the quickest spell she can muster.

Damon grabs his head, the zing of pain is enough to make him lose his thoughts.

Bonnie breathes a sigh of relief when she realizes it's Damon, "What are you doing here?"

Her fingers were too numb to finish buttoning her blouse, and Damon's gaze lands below her neck, eyes fixed on her breast pushed up in a bar he doesn't recognize.

The fact that he knows what most of her underwear looks like is almost normal.

"I want you to repeat everything that you said last night," Damon demands.

Bonnie's cheeks turns an interesting shade of red, "Um, I-I know what I said last night was, uh, a little hard to understand but I'm willing to forget it if you are."

"I don't want to forget it. Tell me what you told me last night,"

Damon's voice sounded strange to her ears. It sounded as if he was pleading, but that couldn't be right.

Damon Salvatore doesn't plead.

"You want me to repeat everything or ―?"

Damon interrupted, "Skip to the part where you said you wanted to be with me."

"Oh. I," Bonnie, clears her throat before continuing, "I want...you know...I want to be with you. Not like, you know, hang out, but like, um, well...you know."

"Tell me again."

"Why?" Bonnie was a little tired of taking direction from him.

"Because I want you...Because I need to know that you feel the same way," Damon answers softly.

Bonnie prided herself on being perceptive but somehow she thought she was in this alone. She thought that her growing attraction to Damon was an unrequited crush.

Somewhere in the middle of Bonnie's thoughts, Damon ends up standing close to Bonnie, eyes flickering to her lips every so often.

"Are you going to kiss me?" Bonnie asks and the tension is a real physical presence.

Damon swallows, throat working to muster up courage he's never needed before.

It's this mere girl who's turned him into a coward, who's made him think before running which is something he never does.

Bonnie initiates the kiss because it is a nice for someone to kiss him instead of the other way around.

Bonnie melts against him like some beautiful, malleable thing.

She's not pushing him away. She's not declaring her love for some other man.

Damon's arm tightens around her. It hurts in a good way, her bones grinding under his hands.

There's a moment of weightlessness and she's suddenly pressed against her mattress, Damon's solid form above hers, her blouse more open than it was before.

Bonnie thinks that soon she will have to stop, her breath barely catching between the tight seal of his lips and tongue.

Damon tears his mouth away, air inhaling and exhaling like he is the one that needs to breathe.

He closes his eyes and presses his forehead against hers; he needs to pace himself.

Slow. He meant it to be slow.

His hand pushes and pulls against her blouse, against her jeans. Not really wanting the items off but wanting the satisfaction in knowing he could touch her this way.

"I'm not ready." Bonnie insists.

"I know, I know. But soon." Damon states with a renewed arrogance.

He could take her right now if he wanted to. She'd let him. But she's under this impression that he's a good guy just because she's a good girl and that's nowhere near the truth.

Damon covers her mouth with his own again and he doesn't let up for a long, long time.

* * *

"You're Damon Salvatore's girlfriend." Caroline says it with a strange mix of glee and anguish.

"I'm not his girlfriend. We are... something, I don't know what but I am not going to put a label on it. Keep it light and breezy."

Bonnie really didn't want to have this discussion with the general population listening in at Mystic Grill.

"What do you two do together?" Caroline asks with morbid curiosity.

"We do what we've been doing: we talk, we spend time together."

"But you also kiss and grope each other."

Bonnie scoffs, "Damon doesn't grope."

With a roll of her eyes, Caroline responds, "Did he or did he not grab your ass in front of the whole student body yesterday?"

"He got carried away. It happens. I'm more concerned with what to do about Jeremy."

Perplexed, Caroline asks "What does Jeremy have to do with anything?"

"He gave me his diary as a birthday gift. I guess he wants me to read and remember. I didn't read it. I can't bring myself to do it. It's too personal."

"What are you going to do?"

"There's nothing I can do but give it back to him."

"Damon's not pressuring you is he?" Caroline knows that her question may be unseemly but it's important that she knows that Bonnie is doing this out of her own volition.

Although she pretty sure she has an idea of what Caroline is referring to, Bonnie asks,

"Pressuring me? Pressuring me to do what?"

"You know...sex." Caroline responds in a staged whisper which only makes what she's trying not to disclose to the people around them more obvious.

"No. Nothing like that."

Caroline's eyes widen as if she finds Bonnie's statement astonishing.

"What's that look about?" Bonnie won't let the moment pass unnoticed.

Caroline fidgets with the sleeve of her shirt, and focuses her eyes on every place except Bonnie, "It just that Damon is really pushy sometimes and ―."

"Caroline," Bonnie interrupts, "I want you to tell me, right now, if Damon ever made you do anything you didn't want to do."

Caroline knew she could demolish Bonnie's perception of Damon be revealing her exploitative relationship with Damon.

"It's me. I'm sort of paranoid because...I slept with him really, really quickly."

"How quickly?"

"The first time I saw him, actually...sort of."

"So you had sex with him on the first date," Bonnie states, attempting to make sense of the things Caroline is divulging to her.

"Well, we didn't have a first date or anything." Caroline grimaces at the memory.

"You were still human."

"Yeah, I was still human." Caroline notices how concern Bonnie looks and quickly pacifies her friend, "It's fine, forget it. I just want you to be sure about everything."

Bonnie let it go because Caroline's eyes begged her to.

One thing was clear: Damon had some explaining to do.

* * *

Bonnie doesn't make it to the front door of Damon's bedroom before he's kissing her, hands roaming along her body, fingers slipping under her clothes.

This thing between them is still new, still too exciting to be commonplace.

Damon licks the roof of her mouth and while she shivers like she usually does, Damon notices the distractive tenseness in her body.

"What's wrong," he whispers into her mouth, not wanting to completely break the contact of their lips.

Bonnie pulls away, his hold on her making movement difficult, "Could you let go of me for a minute?" she asks softly.

Instead of doing as she wished, Damon asks "Why?"

He knows that's the wrong response when Bonnie fights a little harder to break free.

"Damon." Bonnie says, willing him to listen.

Damon lets her go. Bonnie stumbles. She was pulling away harder then she thought.

Bonnie doesn't give Damon time to feel contrite, "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"I don't think I like your tone of voice, young lady." Damon says it in a flippant manner, as if this is a game he's already determined he will win.

"What happened between you and Caroline?" Bonnie presses on.

"You know everything there is to know about me and Caroline," he lies.

Damon has this way of talking that makes it sound as if he knows something that others don't know. Bonnie never realized how annoying that tone of voice could be.

"You hurt Caroline. Somehow" Bonnie responds with surety.

Damon smirks, "The only thing I hurt were her feelings. She was way more into me than I was into her."

Bonnie lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "I'm sorry," Bonnie says easily, "It's just frustrating that I'm out of the loop."

"If it makes you feel better, you were full of righteous indignation on her behalf." Damon assures Bonnie.

A smile threatens to break her mouth wide open.

Damon moves closer her, cautiously, as if she were a frightened animal. He stops just before reaching her, an inch apart between them.

"I'm going to kiss you," Damon states as though Bonnie would mistake his intentions.

She narrows her eyes in a challenge, "No one is stopping you."

Damon pulls her to him and kisses her.

Damon thinks that lying to Bonnie is getting easier by the minute.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: To the readers: All of you have been so kind and supportive. You really know how to make an amateur writer feel good. Thank You!**

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_Creating one's own reality is a dangerous thing_

**Chapter Eleven**

"Stay," Damon murmurs, tongue and teeth tucked against her collar bone.

It's like this most of the time. It's hot and heavy and Bonnie's head spins, not sure of where this is going yet planning to stay on the ride.

"Stay," Damon says, a reiteration followed by hands and mouth.

Stay because who in their right mind can walk away?

"I have to go. My father is going to freak out if I am not in my room when he checks before going to bed." Bonnie is proud of herself. She's said a whole sentence without being swayed by Damon.

"Will you come back?" Damon tries and fails to hide the grin in his voice.

Of course she'll come back.

"Later, when he's asleep. I promise, "Bonnie has learned that giving her word goes a long way.

"If you don't come back, I'll find you." Damon doesn't mean to make it sound like a threat, he really doesn't.

It bothers him. Being away from Bonnie for long periods of time feels foreign.

Damon presses his teeth against the spot where he bit her so long ago, nuzzling his nose close to her pulse.

Every time he kisses that spot it feels like an electric shock, and Bonnie doesn't know why.

* * *

Damon knows his brother is in the room. He doesn't have to put down the book in his hands to look up.

He continues to read as he has been doing since Bonnie left. His eyes pass every word, hoping to make the time go quicker until Bonnie has returned.

"We have to talk." Stefan states, simple like it happens everyday.

They don't talk unless it's about Elena. Or if someone is dead. Or if there is danger lurking. Talking signifies a seriousness that Damon can't bring himself to care about.

"Have you told Bonnie yet?" Stefan presses on because he knows his brother is listening despite his feigned disinterest.

"Have I told her what?," is Damon's only response.

"Damon."

He closes the book slightly, his thumb between the pages. "Yes, Stefan?"

"You have to tell her. If you care about her at all you have to tell her."

Damon smirks, the stern tone of Stefan's voice a laughable attempt at authority.

"There's nothing to tell."

Stefan looks at his brother in disbelief, "She remembering things. It's only a matter of time before she remembers all of it. You should be the one to tell her."

Damon ignores his brother with a practiced ease born of blocking out Stefan's lectures throughout the years.

"If she never gets her memories back are you honestly going to tell me you are going to continue to lie to her?"

" You lie to Elena every day."

Stefan purses his lips together, shaking his head, "There are things that Elena still doesn't know about me, you're right. But the difference is that I plan to tell her with time. I plan to let her know who I was and how different it is from who I am now."

"Are you waiting for me to give you a medal for that or...?"

"Damon, this is serious. This is about making sure Bonnie doesn't get hurt ―"

"No, this is about you covering your own ass," Damon interrupts. "The Scooby Gang had the opportunity to tell Bonnie 'the truth' as you guys put it. 'The truth' whatever the hell that means. All of you had the chance to spill your guts but none of you did anything. Elena, her so-called best friend, said nothing. Caroline can barely put two thoughts together and Jeremy with all of his threats, only manages to reveal what a loser he is."

"We were trying to give you the benefit of the doubt but maybe that was a mistake. I have no problem telling her. None."

Damon's in his brother's face quicker than the human eye can see, scant space between the two men.

"Bonnie is not your concern." Damon states with finality the means the discussion has ended.

"I promised if I could help it that I wouldn't hurt her and I meant it. If you love ―"

Damon flinches at the word.

Noticing, Stefan amends his statement, "Just... Tell her. Before someone else does."

* * *

It is two in the morning, and Bonnie hasn't returned.

Damon wasn't joking when he said he'd find her.

Damon climbs through her window. Bonnie is asleep, of course, but he doesn't think it is intentional. There are clothes laid out by her bed: shirt, jeans, shoes. She was going to sneak out.

There's a brief moment when Damon feels something akin to guilt. Bonnie has spent most of her time with him, and although that fills him with an emotion he'd rather not put a name to, he can't help but notice how much Bonnie seems to neglect just to be with him.

Damon pushes the covers back from her sleeping form and Bonnie barely grumbles, a testament to how exhausted the poor girl is.

He removes his shoes, and his jacket. He moves her body over to one side of the bed so he can lie down next to her.

Not a second after his back hits the mattress, Bonnie rolls over placing her body passably on his; an arm here, a leg there, her face pressed against his chest.

He runs a hand through her hair and thinks that he could get used to this.

* * *

Bonnie wakes up, disoriented and feeling crowded.

Oddly, her pillows were arranged like mountains, piled high. Bonnie could see this one eye; blue, so very blue, wide open over the edge of a pillow looking straight at her.

"Hi," a male voice muffled from feather-packed linen.

"Hi," Bonnie responds, "I think you've gotten our homes mixed up."

Damon doesn't laugh a full-on laugh but he gives a lop-sided grin that Bonnie thinks is equally adorable and infuriating.

"I'm sorry. I was going to come see you but I got so tired that I wanted to take a little nap." Bonnie lets out a small, 'oof' when a pillow lands on her head, blocking her view.

"No harm, no foul," Damon says easily.

"I'm supposed to be getting ready for school but I just don't feel motivated." Bonnie rolls over, landing haphazardly on Damon, who wraps his arms around her, breathing her in, her skin, the very essence of her being.

Damon has never been bereft of companionship. But this uncomplicated intimacy is rare.

"So skip. Don't go. I'll find something to entertain you with."

"It's your kind of entertainment that I'm worried about."

After much griping, Bonnie skips off to the shower.

Damon sits and listens. He hears the water pattering against the porcelain and the glass of the shower stall. He hears Mr. Bennett downstairs, light racket of tings and clinks signifying the early stages of breakfast making.

Damon's gaze roams around the room, the messy but neat space, the girlishness of the soft colors, how different her room looks from the rest of the house.

Damon eyes skim over a worn notebook, the handwriting on top not familiar to Bonnie's own loopy lettering.

Since he's not beyond snooping, and he never respects others' privacy, it's no surprise when he finds the book in his hand's, scanning through the pages of young and unsophisticated writing.

_Vicki Donovan_ stands out like an All Points Bulletin.

Despite his better judgment, Damon continues to read, it's a compelling mixture of horror and hopelessness, Damon can pinpoint the moment when he compelled Jeremy to forget, the journal entries carrying an unexplained lightness that is not seen in earlier passages. After a few entries, the writing turns angry, words like _lies_,_ murder_, _death_, _Elena_, _Salvatore_ become common occurrences.

Damon senses that the water has stopped running, hears the swipe of towel on wet skin, but he doesn't put down the journal. If anything he clutches it tighter.

He wonders what kind of game is being played.

Bonnie comes out of the bathroom and issues a subdued, "hey," towel wrapped around her, hair still sodden with moisture.

"What is this?" In hindsight, the question is ridiculous but it needs to be asked.

"Jeremy's birthday present. I've been meaning to give it back to him. I'm not comfortable reading his innermost thoughts." Bonnie makes light of the situation, trying to ease the tension.

"I'll give it back to him." Damon volunteers.

"I don't think that's such a go idea. You two seem to rub each other the wrong way."

"I promise I'll behave." Even as he says it, Damon wasn't sure he could fulfill his guarantee.

"Okay, but kill him on your own time. And by that I mean, never. Um... could you turn around?" Bonnie asked, making a circular motion with her finger so there's no misunderstanding.

Damon turns to face the wall, smirking as her towel hits the ground.

* * *

Jeremy riffled through his locker distractedly, wanting the day to be over. Keeping up the charade of normalcy was taxing.

Jeremy found his textbook, shut his locker and began walking to class.

A solid weight slams into him; back connecting with a nearby locker, the metal carving painful indentations in his spine.

Jeremy realizes a second after the initial impact that he can't breathe; Damon Salvatore's forearm is lodged against his throat, cutting off the air.

"You know, even with the magic ring, I would happily kill you over and over just to watch the agony on your face," Damon smiles, conveying how pleasurable he'd find that scenario.

Jeremy struggled futilely, eyes franticly searching for a bystander.

The halls were empty.

"Stay away from Bonnie. Don't call her, don't text her, and don't send her your little diary."

"If you kill me, Bonnie will never forgive you." Jeremy doesn't know if he actually got the words out right, his own voice sounds shot, air desperately escaping.

Damon squints, thinking that killing Jeremy would make things so much simpler and yet so much more difficult.

Damon makes a cursory decision, concluding that leaving Jeremy with a warning is not enough.

Damon releases Jeremy from his hold, but the whoosh of air that fills Jeremy's lungs is short lived.

There's a wet twist and sickening crunch, the young man's neck hanging limply.

Jeremy wakes up an hour later, faces he doesn't immediately recognize crowding his view. He refuses medical attention.

It's hard to explain that this makes the second time you've died at the hands of a psycho.

* * *

Bonnie excuses herself form her Math class. Her stomach has been in knots all day. It feels like sickly anticipation coiling in her guts, mixing with her lunch.

She goes into the Girl's bathroom, finding a stall and latching the door closed behind her. At that moment she feels alone... disconnected from her life.

She wonders where Jeremy is today. She saw him once this morning, the expectant glimmer in his eyes diminished when she tells him that she hasn't read his journal. She lost track of Elena and Caroline after lunch.

The bathroom door opens and Bonnie struggles not to make a sound of annoyance. She wanted some peace but it seems that is too far-reaching.

The fresh pop of sole meeting tiles treks slowly to Bonnie's stall.

Italian leather boots stop in front of the door.

Bonnie is instantly filled with completely elation and an unexplained sense of fear, the latter of which she chooses to ignore.

She throws open the door, propelling herself straight into Damon's arms, her lips already seeking his.

"What are you doing here?" Bonnie asks when she can breathe again, when her lips are no longer occupied.

Damon doesn't respond right away, his hands cupping the sides of her face, lips touching her forehead reverently.

"I found a farmhouse," he mumbles against her skin.

"Yeah?," Bonnie responds, face aglow with warmness.

"I want to show you."

"I have one more class and then I am all yours."

"Skip it."

"I can't."

"You can, you just don't want to." Damon delivers with an artificial pout.

Bonnie thinks she'll never be able to graduate high school at this rate.

* * *

"Hi, Bonnie. It's me. Please call me when you get this." Elena has left several messages. Her eyes flicker to Jeremy to assure herself that he's alive and well.

Stefan is in the corner of the Gilbert kitchen, calling his brother for the fifth time.

"How could you let her go off with him! " Jeremy nearly screams, his sister the target of his anxiousness. "We have to find her. For all we know he could have kidnapped her."

"It's not kidnapping if she went willingly." Elena insists, a calmness in her voice that hasn't reached to her heart. "How could you give her your journal, Jeremy? You know the doctors wanted her to remember on her own."

"She has the right to know. We have been keeping this from her long enough."

Stefan paces, eyeing the marble countertop, willing his brother not to do anything more stupid then he already has.

"He's in love with her!" Elena proclaims, "He loves her and he's going to tell her, just not like..." Elena hesitates, knowing the anguish Jeremy must feel.

"Like what?," anger lacing the words.

"Like out of some sort of revenge! I know you're still angry about what he did to you but this is not about you, Jeremy. It's not about me. It's about them."

Jeremy shakes his head, denying all he's heard, "If something happens to Bonnie, we are all responsible."

Jeremy exits the kitchen and takes the stairs two at a time to reach his bedroom.

* * *

They drove west of Virginia, past sleek modern houses, the view quickly changing into ranches. Cows grazing in the afternoon sun; horses galloping, their powerful bodies creating such a beautiful sight.

Bonnie never paid much attention to the countryside, but she supposed now was as good a time as any.

They arrive to their destination. Bonnie was expecting some dilapidated farmhouse, uninhabited for years, perhaps. Instead, she encountered a modest fully furnished country home. It wasn't overdone but it was stunning. One would think that Damon is always flashy and fancy, but he knew the art of understatement.

"Who are the owners?" Bonnie knew that Damon couldn't just walk into a place without being invited in.

Strolling over the hardwood floors, he responded, "Some lovely woman who was gracious enough to give us the house for the week."

"I can't stay here for the week." Bonnie said, not sure if Damon was serious or not.

"It's not like the world is going to burn down while we're here."

"What am I going to tell my father? What about school?" Bonnie's phone rings. She didn't feel like being disturbed before while they were in the car but it must be an emergency.

"Don't answer it." Damon issues a light command.

Bonnie glances at the screen of her phone, "its Elena. I better answer it."

"Bonnie, it's just you and me. No one else." That's as close as he was going to get to begging her to put the phone down.

* * *

Bonnie doesn't know how it happens. One minute her cell phone's in her hand and the next she's in one of the bedrooms.

Damon's kisses are more frantic than ever before, his tongue scouring the inside of her mouth.

He lifts her shirt, the material gliding over her head. He unbuttons her jeans next, the material pooling at her feet. Damon's shirt lands somewhere, and his pants soon follow. There's a moment of stumbling, it's difficult to keep lips connected when hopping around to kick off shoes.

Damon pulls the strap of her bra down slowly, his blunt nails catching a little on the skin of her shoulder, the pads of his fingers soothing the sting. He pauses like he's counting and it's more for Bonnie's sake than his own. "Close your eyes."

Bonnie lays down and the bed and tries to relax. She fights not to open her eyes. She fights to steady her breath.

It's quiet. She can't tell where Damon is. She can't feel his presence is in the room.

She jumps when she feels cool fingers blaze a hot trail from her sternum to her stomach. Although Damon's lips follow soon after, he stops to pay homage to her body. He cups her breast, testing the weight with his hands, molding his fingers into the firm flesh.

He locked his mouth around the tips of breast, face pressed against the cushion of her flesh. Bonnie grabs the sheets in a tight fist and Damon chuckles against her skin.

Damon licks down, teeth nipping the lines of her ribs. His tongue circles her belly button and she jerks as if she's been shocked. He stops and rests his chin on her lower stomach, eyes gazing up at her with a smile on his face.

"Please." Bonnie says although she's not sure what she's asking.

Damon slides her underwear down over her legs and Bonnie doesn't know where to put her hands. She's expecting him to tease but he places his mouth directly on her.

Bonnie grabs the shoulders that are keeping her legs apart, and then grabs the hair close to his scalp, pulling when he sucks. He kisses her there the way he would her mouth, all tongue and all seeking. Damon's fingers slide between her legs joining his mouth, one finger and then two slipping inside of her.

Bonnie tenses, and it's all too soon, the intense pleasure almost pain. Damon rides out the wave, then slithers up her body, mouth wet and shinny. He crushes his lips to hers and she can taste herself.

His hardness presses against her stomach and she can't not touch him. He's dense, almost heavy in her hands, hotter there than the rest of his body. His forehead lolls between her neck and shoulder, he presses himself closer to her hands. Her fingers tighten around him and he laughs, smugly like he's accomplished something.

Damon bats her hand away, his own hands sliding to the backs of her thighs, pulling Bonnie closer to him. He spreads her legs and eases inside her.

Slow, now. Slow. And then everything else later.

"More," Bonnie moans, mouth open against his cheek. He thrusts faster, and her nails find purchase on the skin of his back.

Damon places his hand on the nape of her neck, lifting her head up, "look at us," urging her to gaze down the length of their bodies to watch him plunge himself into her.

Bonnie is overwhelmed, her back arching, wet pulsing between her legs, sounds spilling out of her mouth. Damon's teeth scrapes deeply against her neck, he licks the drops of blood that well up.

Bonnie pushes at Damon's shoulders because it's too much, she's finished, it's enough. Damon smirks, fingers gliding between their bodies to rub against the most sensitive part of her.

It's never enough.

* * *

When Bonnie wakes up, the sun is already glaring through the windows. A very male body is wrapped around her and she can't bring herself to care about anything else at the moment.

"Good morning," Damon mumbles through her hair, his hand cups between her thighs and she gasps.

"Sore?" Damon asks.

"A little." Bonnie responds.

Damon kisses her shoulder and runs his hands up along her stomach.

Bonnie moves suddenly, twisting her body so that Damon's back is pressed to the sheets and she is on top of him, her knees to his sides.

Her hair makes for a dark veil when she leans over him, "You're beautiful," she states, hands to his chest.

Damon knows that Bonnie is not speaking of his looks. It's his insides, this person that he's crafted to pretend that the real him doesn't exists.

He pulls her down to kiss him and he wishes so desperately that he could be the person Bonnie wanted him to be.

* * *

As Damon showers, Bonnie cuts vegetables for an omelet.

She rations the green peppers, swaying, having to hold on to the counter. The head ache coming on is like the worse she ever had.

Images flood her mind: things that she can't identify but she knows to be absolutely true.

The knife slips against her finger and blood runs out creating a crimson line from the digit to the kitchen counter.


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: There is something to be said about faithful readers and reviewers. Anyone of you could spend your time doing something else but the fact that you manage to read my stories among busy schedules is awesome. Thank You!**

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_Whoever said that love and hate are two sides of the same coin didn't know what they were talking about_

**Chapter 12**

Damon smelled fresh blood when he got out of the shower. Under any other circumstances, he wouldn't mind but to say that this was out of the norm is an understatement.

"Bonnie!" Damon called out.

Clad only in black jeans, he strolled to the kitchen.

Damon saw what looked to be an omelet burning; he saw the knife, and he saw little droplets of blood, already becoming tacky and sticky in dryness.

"Bonnie!" Damon called out again.

He ventured into the bedroom. The bed was still rumpled and clothes from the night before were strewn all over the room.

He stops in front of the tiny closet inside of the bedroom. He hears erratic breathing, hiccupping almost, and a pulse so loud he's sure a living person couldn't sustain such a thing.

Damon could wait her out. He could wait tell she gets tired of hiding in the damned closet, or he could open the door, maybe coax her out.

He hears sobbing and decides to wait.

His phone rings, buried somewhere underneath his shirt on the floor. He doesn't have to glance at the display to know that it's his brother.

"Where are you?," Stefan asks. No 'Hello'. No 'How are you'

After no initial response, Stefan asks, "Damon, what's going on?" Damon can hear Elena in the background, she sounds slightly shrill and worried. Stefan sounded uneasy as if this call was not one he wanted to make.

"Has something happened with Elena?" Damon asks because he thinks that is the only reason his brother would call him.

"No, not Elena. Did you... Did you talk to Jeremy yesterday?" Stefan asks hesitantly. He knows what happened but he can't resist asking on the off chance that his is wrong, that Damon has not been that sort of monster for a long while.

"You're not calling because of Jeremy." Damon states. Jeremy can fall down a flight of stairs, jump out of a window, get hit by a car and he would just dust his clothes off and get back up.

"Is Bonnie with you?" Even as Stefan asks, he strains his ears to hear his brother's surroundings.

"Yes," Damon answers.

The sobbing has stopped but she hasn't come out of the closet.

"Is she okay?" is Stefan's next question.

"Why wouldn't she be okay?" Damon hasn't needed to adopt a defensive tone in a long time, particularly because he's never counted anything he's ever done as being wrong. He's hurt people but it's all for a purpose.

"When neither you nor Bonnie answered your phones we thought something was wrong." Stefan treads lightly. There is something is Damon's stilted responses that tell him that something has gone awry.

"Tell Elena to calm down." Damon responds before hanging up.

* * *

Stefan stares at the phone in his hands, the flash of 'call ended' indeed confirming that Damon is no longer on the line.

"Stefan, where are they?" Elena can't identify the reason she's panicking this badly.

She would like to think that it's because Damon has yet again stepped all over the creed of humanity without a second thought. It's not like he hasn't done it before. But not sticking around to face the music, and taking her best friend along with him is something entirely new and unsettling.

"Stefan," Elena repeats because he looks lost in his own thoughts.

"I don't know where they are."

* * *

Damon sits on the bed for what seems like hours, although he knows its mere minutes.

He has his shirt on, now, and his shoes. He stares at the closet door and wishes that he knew what was going to happen when she comes out.

This shifting, flesh thunking along wood, hands slapping the walls for support; heavy, as if tired.

The closet door slides open, and Bonnie's pained expression makes Damon feel an indescribable tightening in his chest.

"I'm sorry." The words fly out of his mouth at such a rate that he can't think properly. "I'm sorry. I was going to tell you everything." Damon moved closer to the despondent Bonnie.

"Don't touch me!" Bonnie rubbed at her face, her neck, her arms. His smell was all over her.

Bonnie shuffled around looking for her shoes, her bag, and anything else that felt so far way from her.

Bonnie stops, fresh tears sliding down her face, and looks at Damon who stands there like an impenetrable statue.

"This must have been the biggest joke for you," Bonnie says. "You must have―you must have laughed every night."

Damon opens his mouth only to close it. He watches Bonnie with careful eyes.

Bonnie backs away, and then thinks the better of it. She step close to Damon, so close where he can see the misery deep in her face, "It not even about lying. Everyone lies. It's about the fact that you've done so many appalling, cruel things to people I care about and you don't seem to care. You'd do it all over again wouldn't you?" Bonnie says, the words gritting out between her teeth and strained mouth.

"Yeah, I'd do it again." Damon says because there is no point in denying it.

"You would." Bonnie says, no amazement as if she's finding out for the first time. No, she remembers this Damon.

"I don't care about Jeremy, or Caroline of Vicki. They don't mean anything to me." Damon responds, with a flippancy he hasn't used in months. He too, remembers this Damon.

"And what was I?" Bonnie asks, wavering a little, as if Damon can say the right words to make things good again.

Damon doesn't think too carefully. What's done is done, and he would be a fool to try to salvage whatever they had. Not with this Bonnie, not with this woman who knows exactly what he is and has lived only to remind him of it every day.

"You were a means to an end for me." Damon would have added a smile but he couldn't force his face to move. "It was all about getting to Elena. Always."

Bonnie feels her control crack, the edges becoming jagged, and Damon burns. He burns as if the flames where eternally part of his body.

He burns and screams more out of desolation than in pain. Damon is only dimly aware that he's not on fire anymore when he hears the car start.

He wonders why she didn't just finish him off.

Bonnie drives, following the exits she remembers, and stopping to ask for directions when nothing looks familiar.

She thinks that Damon will likely try to kill her when he finds her. It almost makes her hysterical. She slept with Damon Salvatore. She let this shell of a man touch her. She let herself care about a person who never really existed.

When Bonnie comes home, she doesn't call anyone. She deletes the many concerned messages.

Where was their concern when she was convorting with the enemy?

* * *

Bonnie wakes up Friday morning to her father interrogating her mercilessly. She takes it. She sits there eating her cereal and deals with her father telling her how she's grounded.

She leaves Damon's car in her driveway.

Caroline sees her at school first, she smiles brightly knowing that something must have happened to make Bonnie skip class.

Caroline's smile slips, the tightness around Bonnie's face is nothing to be happy about.

"Can we talk?" Bonnie's not exactly cold but she's not exactly warm either.

"Sure. Let's go out to the football field." Caroline suggests.

The two women go out into the open, the field authentically green and wide. They sit on the cool benches. Caroline fidgets, already anticipating the worst.

"Why didn't you stop me from getting involved with Damon?" Bonnie doesn't look at Caroline while she asks.

"I didn't think I could stop you―it wasn't my choice." Caroline stammered.

"I would like to think that if you were going out with a murderer, a rapist, anyone, I would tell you. I would have warned, Caro."

Caroline looks down, ashamed about not being proactive enough.

"Damon wasn't like that with you... I... I wouldn't have let him hurt you. You have to believe that…You believe that don't you?" Caroline asks, desperately.

"I don't know what to think." Bonnie answers honestly.

* * *

Elena smiles half-heartedly at Bonnie in class. She knows about Bonnie's encounter with Caroline. She knows there will be questions, some she won't be able to answer but she's relieved that Bonnie is here and safe.

Stefan sits inside of the same room, glancing inconspicuously at Bonnie, trying to figure out what types of things are going on in her head. It's an exercise in futility but Stefan can't resist.

Class ends, seemingly abrupt, and Bonnie knows that she hasn't learned anything about the world in which she lives.

"Bonnie." Elena vocalizes immediately, fingers wrapped around Bonnie's elbow to prevent her from walking away.

Bonnie glances down at the fingers splayed against her skin, "What." It's too flat, too devoid of feeling to be a question.

Elena exhales, "You remember."

Bonnie looks into her friend eyes and sees a swirl of emotions. How silly for Elena to feel hurt and rejected. Bonnie has come through for her in the past. Even when Bonnie couldn't stand the company Elena kept, she never made her chose.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, we...all of us talked about whether we should let you remember for yourself or tell you everything."

"You know what I don't understand, Elena? I can see waiting for my memories to return. But I can't see you turning a blind eye to letting me involve myself with Damon. Why did everyone just sit around! You let me..." Bonnie pauses because all she could think about is how deluded she had been, "no one said anything. You all knew how I felt about Damon, how I loathed him."

Elena felt suffocated, the air too thick for her to think of a good response, "I don't know. It just seemed... everyone was getting along. I know I shouldn't have let it get that far between the two of you."

"He did it for you, you know. He used me to get to you." Bonnie says.

Elena shakes her head, "He's lying if he said that. "

"How could you tell? Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie."

Stefan shuffles farther in the hallway, listening. Elena knows that Bonnie is hurt but she can't pick up on the humiliation, the anger, the sheer hurt that he picks up whenever Bonnie opens her mouth.

"Damon is at a farmhouse," Bonnie states, followed by loose directions on how to get there. She doesn't have the energy to talk to Stefan so she tells Elena, knowing full well that Stefan can hear what she's saying.

Bonnie walks away, then. She's going to go to the rest of her classes today.

* * *

"Bonnie" Jeremy says softly, in that voice she used to love.

She turns slowly to face him."You talked to Elena?"

"Yeah. I talked to Elena."

Bonnie nods, turns away, makes herself busy with the books in the locker.

"I tried" Jeremy begins, filling the silence. "I wanted to tell you."

"Tell me now, then" Bonnie demands, suddenly angry.

"I couldn't get you alone. Damon was always there or Stefan was around keeping tabs on you for his brother. The only thing I could think of was giving you my diary. Damon must have found it somehow. He came after me. He snapped my neck like it was no big deal and then ran off with you. You have no idea how worried I was."

"What about before, at the cabin? You didn't spill your guts then, either."

"Damon promised to stay away from you if I kept my mouth shut." Jeremy reveals reluctantly.

"So you blackmailed him. I suppose I should be grateful."

"I did it for you." Jeremy asserts.

"You did it for yourself, Jeremy. You did it for no one but yourself."

"Can't we just talk about this?" Back was the old earnestness the Jeremy held so well.

" There's nothing to talk about. The Jeremy I know..._my_ Jeremy, wouldn't have done that."

* * *

Stefan makes the trip west by himself. He's not sure what kind of a mood Damon will be in.

On the drive there he thinks. There's not much he can say to Damon on the matter. Damon has never been good at taking his advice and it's not like he is going to start now.

The door is unlocked when Stefan arrives to his destination, and he walks right in. He doesn't bother to look around, he heads straight to the place he knows Damon will be.

Damon sits on the bedroom floor, bags of blood littering the ground.

Stefan wants to ask if he's okay but he doesn't. He sits next to his brother, ignoring the metallic, warm smell of blood, and the tingling in his gums.

"Is she home?" Damon asks and it's almost like déjà vu. He remembers asking a similar thing when Bonnie came back from her weekend with Jeremy.

"Yeah, she's home."

"I'm going to kill her when I see her." Damon states matter-of-factly.

"No you're not." Stefan notes how dazed Damon seems, how hopeless.

"She set me on fire. If I hadn't brought this," Damon states, gesturing towards the blood bags around him, "then I probably would have died."

"You'd be severely injured, yes, but not dead. You're being overly dramatic again, Damon. If she wanted you dead, she wouldn't have told me where to find you."

"I hate her." Damon says with no real heat behind the words.

"You are in love with her." Stefan states.

"I'm not in love with her. Everything was just...a game. I didn't mean any of it." Damon hates the own sound of his voice, he hates how hollow it seems.

"It meant everything." Stefan counters.

Damon looks at his brother for the first time since he came into the room, "How would you know?"

Stefan stares at his brother and wonders, not for the first time, when it was he became the more confident one "Because you wouldn't lie about something like that. It means too much to you."

Sometimes, Damon forgets that his brother knows him so well.


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: If you happened to click on this story, read it, and didn't completely hate it, thank you!**

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_Sometimes calling a truce is the best way to end a fire fight._

**Chapter 13**

Bonnie sat on the floor of her bedroom, a cup of Chai tea in her hands. She deeply wished that she could commune with the spirit world. She desperately needed guidance.

A small part of her wanted to hold on to her anger. It was so tangible, her emotions being the realest thing since regaining her memories.

The larger, more dominant part of her knew that she will eventually forgive her friends and be back to her normal, loyal self.

She resented that part of her.

Even with remembering past events, Bonnie still doesn't feel like the girl in her memories. There is something inside of her, running under her skin that would break if she were to go back to being the same Bonnie.

Too much has changed, it seems.

So, Bonnie sat with the tea in her hands, sipping slowly and leisurely, trying to figure out how she can make this experience count for something.

* * *

Stefan got out of his car and walked to the passenger side to open the door for Elena.

"Did she mention what she wanted to talk about?," Stefan asked.

Elena leaned against the car, tired all of a sudden and dreading what was to come. "No. But it doesn't take a scientist to figure out that she wants to murder us for not telling her about Damon."

"How she'd seem at school this week?" The two stroll languidly up the cement pathway, the vivid green of the lawn enclosing them on both sides. They wanted to prolong the inevitable, if it were possible.

They both ignored Damon's car which was still parked in the Bennett drive way.

A week. One week, two days, and a number of hours.

"She seemed upbeat." Elena responded, "How'd she seem to you?"

Stefan struggled to find the right words, not wanting to worry Elena, "She seemed reserved."

"Yeah," Elena agreed, her face down-turned, not with sadness, but with consideration.

Elena rings the door bell. A few moments pass and the door opens with Caroline standing on the other side. "Hi!" Caroline beams, but the smile does not reach her eyes.

"She called you too?" Elena asked.

Caroline nods, "I got here a few minutes ago."

Stefan and Elena share a guarded look but venture into the Bennett residence despite any misgivings.

Caroline, Stefan and Elena go into the living room and Elena can't hide her surprise when she sees Jeremy sitting on the couch.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming here?" Elena asks.

Jeremy shrugs an easy shrug. It's not like he can tell Elena that he was hoping he was the only one called over to Bonnie's. That dream was shattered when Caroline come over a few minutes after he did.

Everyone who is standing takes a seat.

Stefan, more than anything, is curious as to why there were called over.

Elena envisions Bonnie coming in the room only to tell them that she has disowned them all. She glances out the window and it's just too bright, too sunny to deal with disappointment.

Jeremy pastes his best bored expression on his face to hide the nervousness rippling through his guts.

Caroline chews her nails, an all too human habit that she has yet to kick now that she's a vampire.

The silence lengthens because no one wants to talk, no one cares to voice his or her thoughts of woe.

Bonnie enters the living room, relaxed but with a careful expression on her face.

Her friends look at her expectantly, some already forming an argument as to why they should be allowed to stay in Bonnie's life.

"I know you are all wondering why I called you here. I don't have to tell you how hard this has been for me. You know. All of you know. You probably don't understand, can't really comprehend how mad I was... how betrayed I felt―"

"We didn't mean to make you feel that way," Caroline interrupts.

"I know. But that's what happened," Bonnie responds softly. "I know you guys think you were helping me, and maybe you were. I appreciate how you were all there for me when I needed you, and if I were to be completely honest I'm not so angry about it anymore. But this can't happen again. We can't hide things like this from each other."

Reality is just setting in; how many of them were guilty of hiding the truth or has lied because they thought they were protecting the people they cared about.

Bonnie continued," So I'd like to try something, a little experiment."

"What kind of experiment? " Jeremy asks.

"It has come to my attention that some of us have known each other for years, and we still have problems with being honest with each other. I am guilty of that myself. That's why I'm invoking an _honesty policy_. This means if the argyle sweater is the wrong shade of green for your skin, Caroline, then I will tell you. If I feel like you are being you're being a whinny little bitch, Jeremy, then I will tell you. Elena, if I feel like your love for Stefan is bordering creepy and obsessive, I'll tell you. Likewise, Stefan. I expect all of you to be truthful with me and with each other. If we can't trust the people in this room, then who are we going to trust?"

Her friends glance around the room, looking into the faces of the people they'll probably die with, or at the very least, die to protect.

"How would this work?" Elena asks.

"Whenever you think someone is being dishonest with you, you can say _honesty policy_, and they'll have to tell you what they were being deceitful about," Bonnie responds.

"So if I think Stefan is making plans behind my back that evolve me I can say _honesty policy_ to get him to tell me the truth." Elena pointedly ignored Stefan's frowning visage.

"Ideally," Bonnie answers.

"What if you think the person is still lying?" Caroline asks, equally excited and alarmed at the prospect.

"That's up to the person who's being lied to. They can choose to handle it any way they wish." Bonnie says with a slight smile on her face.

"How long do we have to do this?" Jeremy asks, partly to see just how long it would take him to get back in Bonnie's good graces.

"Two weeks. Two weeks just to see how it goes." Bonnie starts leaving the room, everyone still contemplating what complete honesty would mean for their relationships.

Bonnie was positive that either her relationship with her friends will grow stronger or they'll all end up killing each other.

Bonnie stops suddenly. Halting her escape, she directs her statement to Stefan, "Please tell Damon to come get his car. It hasn't been towed yet but it will be if he doesn't move it." Each word is spoken from between Bonnie's teeth, a wide plastic smile gracing her face.

She'd be the image of calm, cool and collected if she wasn't still mad as hell at Damon Salvatore.

* * *

Damon does frivolous things like play his old record collection to death, consume large amounts of alcohol, and have sex with many, many women, most of whom he can't remember their names.

Perhaps the sex is not the type he's used to. He approaches sex, gives it the old college try, with his classic seduction techniques and a smile that promises a good time. What usually happens is that he talks some strange woman's ear off about a witch, the emotionally draining activity usually leads to perfunctory sex for him (amazing sex for her), and he feels worse than he did before he picked up the woman.

Such is the heartache of his life.

"If he plays that song one more time, I am going to put him out of his misery." Katherine bemoans to Stefan, standing in the middle of his bedroom with a perturbed Elena and a bemused Stefan looking on.

Damon has played 10cc's _I'm Not in Love _so many times that Stefan has considered doing the exact thing that Katherine is suggesting.

"He's going through a rough time right now," Stefan defends.

"If it's too much for you, you can always stay somewhere else." Elena suggests, liking her own idea immensely.

"I'll pass, thank you." Katherine says with a sharp little smile directed at Elena.

She departs soon after, leaving Elena and Stefan alone inside his room.

"I will never get used to having that woman stay here," Elena admits.

"We'll find a way to make her leave. I promise," Stefan rubs his hands through her hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Elena stares at him, trying to think of the most brilliant thing to say to him that would convey how much she loves him.

A familiar melody breaks her concentration.

They both groan in complaint as the song starts again.

* * *

Stefan has never considered hiring a house keeper before today, but the atomic bomb that has become Damon's bedroom begs to defer.

"Damon." Stefan says, staring at a malformed bundle under the covers.

"What?" Damon asks, pushing the bedcovering off the upper half of his body, blinking at the sun glaring through his window.

"Do you have any plans for today?" Stefan tries.

"No." Damon responds, his feet shifting, which knocks several liquor bottles to the ground.

"I just wanted to know if you wanted anything before I went to school."

Damon doesn't respond. He pulls the sheets over his head to block out the sun's rays.

"Bonnie wants you to pick up your car. Today." Stefan commands, deducing that just telling Damon to do something will likely get him nowhere.

"Whatever." Damon says. Or at least, it sounded like that to Stefan's ears.

* * *

"Okay, _honesty policy_, I hated that movie. Did you see how much Botox she has? I couldn't even tell it was her." Caroline has taken to using _honesty policy_ for everything.

Bonnie hadn't intended for the phrase to be used in the ways Caroline has found to use it, but it made her glad that Caroline was embracing her own thoughts and feelings, and was comfortable enough to share them.

The two women grabbed their lunch, and scanned the cafeteria for their friends. Caroline spots Stefan, Elena, and Matt, and heads to the table, dragging Bonnie along.

At the table, Stefan spares mildly disgusted looks at his lunch while nuzzling his nose along Elena's neck. Elena giggles, yells "stop", but draws him back to her when Stefan pulls away.

Bonnie wished that they were as normal as they all seemed.

Matt submits his cheeks to Caroline's questing lips, and pokes at his lunch, "_Honesty policy:_ this shit looks like vomit."

Bonnie grins hugely at Matt's use of the phrase. Caroline has committed to using the _honesty policy_ with Matt, "tell him as much as possible" without revealing she was a vampire.

Bonnie didn't know how Caroline could manage it; the strain of keeping something so big from her boyfriend and her mother.

"Damon is coming over to pick up his car today." Stefan says, arms wrapping around the middle of Elena's body.

Bonnie already waning smile slips completely.

"I can be there with you if you want." Elena offers.

Bonnie shakes her head, disaffirming Elena's suggestion. "I'll be fine. He's just going to pick up his car."

Elena nods like she understands, but Stefan wonders if Bonnie has deluded herself into believing that Damon won't somehow distort a simple task.

* * *

Damon inspects his car. It's in the same condition it was in when it was in his possession, if only a little lack-luster from pollen and air debris.

The keys are in the ignition and the driver's seat is in the same position he left it. The car beckons him to hop in and drive a long and winding road.

Bonnie hasn't come out of the house.

Damon stands there, and he stands some more; making it clear that he's not leaving the spot.

Mr. Bennett looks out of his window and sighs heavily. "Bonnie!"

Bonnie walks downstairs as if she were going to leave her room anyway but decided to see what her father wanted on the way.

Mr. Bennett touches his daughter's shoulders gently, "Now I've never told you who you could and could not be friends with. I trust your judgment. But that boy outside is starting to worry the neighbors. Get him to leave."

There is no real choice on the matter. Bonnie must face her own personal nightmare.

Bonnie comes out of her house, and Damon thinks this is what it looks like when she admits defeat.

He is slightly annoyed that she doesn't look horrible, no bags around her eyes as if she she'd been crying.

"Damon" Bonnie says, so cordial that it borders on hostility.

"Bonnie." The name sounding infinitely more patronizing coming from Damon.

Moments pass and neither of the two speak.

"How are you?" Damon asks, looking away from her face, trying to convey how little he really cares about her well-being.

However, Bonnie won't go down that road. "Look. You were nice to me despite everything. I don't hate the things you do, and I don't trust you but you helped me with my powers, and you were likable when you weren't being a bastard, so for the sake of Stefan and Elena, I just want to forget this ever happened."

"Forget?" Damon almost sneers, the business of remembering and forgetting become tedious.

"Yep. Just wipe the slate clean." Bonnie responds simply enough.

"Can you do that?" Damon asks, the new game that Bonnie is creating is confusing.

"With everything else, no. But with this thing that happened between us, yeah. Yeah, I'll try."

Damon thinks about what he's heard. He doesn't know if he agrees.

"I don't want to have to deal with you outside of protecting the town. I don't want to be friends, I don't even want to be enemies. I just... I don't want you around me. Can _you_ do that?, " Bonnie asks, not really caring for an answer because Damon has no choice in the matter.

"Fine. Whatever." Whatever is Damon's favorite word, it has no real meaning, and he loves that.

Bonnie walks back to her nice, safe house.

It takes a moment for Damon to get into his car and drive off.

* * *

Bonnie felt that it was sacrilegious to be going out on a date so soon but it's for her own sanity.

She sits in Mystic Grill with a boy from her science class. The guy was nice enough; he was cute. Most importantly, he wasn't harboring any secrets that involved torture or murder.

So she laughs too loudly although the jokes aren't all that funny. She rubs her shoulder against his shoulder. She pretended to have a good time.

This is a Friday night special she can get used to.

Jeremy sits a few tables away with some girl who thought he was so terribly cute and charming, and if Jeremy wasn't already head-over-heels _in like_ with Bonnie, he would pay attention to his female companion.

He didn't like the guy Bonnie was with. Something was too straight-laced about him, too Richie Cunningham.

A few tables farther, Damon sits with Stefan and Elena determined to have a good time, and ignore the witch and her "date."

Outside of supernatural, he hadn't spoken to Bonnie the day after he picked up his car.

He can't help feeling that he got off too easy. Beyond the day she got her memories back, she never showed any real anger with him. It was as if there was a void where her feelings used to be.

Damon flirts with Elena because it's so easy, and he likes to rile his brother up.

Elena makes half-hearted attempts at dissuading Damon from making bedroom eyes at her, and Stefan squints his eyes, probably contemplating ways to disembowel his brother.

Damon smirks, insisting to the exasperated couple, "I'm helping your sex life. You can't deny how much more spectacular the sex is when Stef's all territorial."

Elena blushes, a flush spreading along her face and Stefan frowns.

No one disagrees with Damon.

Bonnie excuses herself to refill her drink, and Jeremy follows, leaving his companion a little bewildered.

Bonnie leans against the bar and exchanges pleasantries with Jeremy. She waits patiently for her Coke to be refilled.

"_Honesty policy_" Jeremy begins, "You look really, really hot."

Bonnie shifts from one leg to another, and tries not to be flattered. "Seriously, why is everyone using _honesty policy _the wrong way? I'm suppose to say _honesty policy _and then you're suppose to tell me the truth."

Jeremy leans in, conspiratorial, "If you say_honesty policy _right now I'll finish telling you my thoughts." He has this look in his eyes that tell her that his thoughts aren't innocent.

"I―I don't think that's a good idea." Bonnie stammers.

Jeremy changes the subject, "Damon is burning a hole in the back of your head."

Bonnie turns her head slightly, eyes catching where her best friend and the Salvatore brothers are sitting.

"Damon is just being annoying," Bonnie responds.

Drink now in hand, Bonnie turns her attention to Jeremy, "I have to go."

"I would say enjoy your date but I'm trying to be more honest."

Bonnie leaves to go back to her date, but Jeremy smiles just a little.

He knows he's gotten to her.

Damon watches the interaction, and tracks Bonnie's movements back to her table.

"Whatever you are thinking, Damon, don't." Stefan warns already knowing his efforts are in vain.

"Relax, little brother." Damon gets up from the table and heads in Bonnie's direction.

"This is not going to be good." Elena states.

* * *

"Funny seeing you here." Damon announces as if he wasn't in the same place Bonnie was the whole night.

Bonnie didn't respond. She sat stoic and still, and willed herself not to kill Damon in front of all these nice people.

"I think he's talking to you." Science guy says to Bonnie, adding helpfully to her annoyance.

Damon will stand there all night till she acknowledges him so she opts to get whatever he has cooked up in his mind over with, "I'm busy. What do you want?"

"I think you can ask nicer than that." Damon replies.

Bonnie takes a deep breath, and wills herself, yet again, not to do something harmful to Damon, "What would you like me to help you with, Damon?"

"That's better. A little formal, but it'll do." Damon grabs an empty chair from another table and makes himself comfortable.

"I think we should go somewhere else," Bonnie suggests, observing the fact that Damon does not seem ready to leave the two alone.

"Don't leave on my account." Damon insists.

Stefan walks over to the table, placing a hand on his brother shoulder. His grip is tighter than it should be under friendlier circumstances, "Hi, Bonnie."

She gives a small, short smile in response.

"Why don't we leaving these nice people alone so they can enjoy their time together." Stefan directs the statement at his brother.

Damon thinks for a moment, and then gets up from the table on his own accord, "You two kids be smart, now. Don't do anything that I wouldn't do." He winks at Bonnie, which only serves to make her more agitated.

"So, that was your ex-boyfriend I assume?" Science guy asks once it's just the two of them again.

"Sort of. I had some brain damage which explains the circumstances under which I associated with him." Bonnie quips.

Science guy blinks rapidly.

* * *

Damon leaves Mystic Grill, ditching the love birds that are Stefan and Elena.

He drives to a bar not far out of the way.

He gets good and drunk, meets a pretty girl with perfect brown skin and perfect emerald eyes.

He'll compel her. He'll call her some other girl's name and he'll change the ending of their story a million times over.

Damon Salvatore was always the proactive type.

_END_

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_Follow-up: **She Hates Me**_

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_**A/N: I would like to take the opportunity to say thanks again for reading this story. You didn't have to, there are many other more talented writers on but for some reason you've spent your time reading my words. **_

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_**She Hates Me** Sneek Peak:_

___"If restraining orders worked on vampires, Bonnie would have slapped one on your ass a long time ago," Alaric says, laughing hardily at his own joke. _


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